Damaged People
by pinkhairdontcare
Summary: A/U. After Lightning is left with severe and debilitating injuries, she returns to her childhood home to heal. But there is a terrible secret to uncover, and the only way Lightning can move on is if she discovers the true nature of that fateful night. Eventual pairings. Rated for suggestive themes, language, and violence/abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Damaged People

**Rating: **M for suggestive themes, language, and violence/abuse.

**Summary: **A/U. After Lightning is left with severe and debilitating injuries, she returns to her childhood home to heal. But there is a terrible secret to uncover, and the only way Lightning can move on is if she discovers the true nature of that fateful night. Eventual Light x Noel. Rated for suggestive themes, language, and violence/abuse.

**About the setting:** As with my previous stories, it takes place in a modern day universe much like our own, completely separate from the game. Pulse and Cocoon are two individual continents on the planet. All the locations from the game (Sun'leth, Eden, Oerba, etc) are cities/towns.

**Part One**

**One**

"Finally," Serah remarked, stretching her arms over her head within the confines of the truck. "Feels good to leave that city behind."

Lightning watched Eden's skyline recede in the side view mirror, then tore her gaze away. She was already feeling carsick as the larg picked its way up the mountain. The road's shoulder dropped off rather sharply on the right, and while Lightning had every ounce of confidence in her sister's ability to not send them tumbling off the sheer cliff, the view could be dizzying. She closed her eyes against the sight of it, drawing a deep breath.

"Are you okay, Light?" Serah fretted, reaching for her sister's hand. "You're not having a seizure or something, right?"

Lightning's eyes flew open. "I haven't had a seizure in months," she snapped.

"Okay," Serah said, drawing her hand away. "Sorry."

Lightning exhaled slowly. "It's okay," she said quietly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you."

Serah gave her a wane smile, then turned her eyes back to the road.

Lightning huddled against the window, pressing her forehead to the glass. She caught sight of her vague reflection in the side view mirror and frowned.

"Snow's excited to see you," Serah said after a few minutes of silence.

"I bet he is," Lightning said. "He's excited to see anyone. He's like a big, moronic dog."

"Be nice, okay? He still thinks of you like a sister regardless."

Lightning rubbed her eyes. "Yeah. Okay."

"Is it too much to extract a promise from you?"

The corner's of Lightning's mouth quirked as she glanced at her sister. "It might be. I'll try, okay? I can't really…well, you know. But I'll try."

Serah's tone softened. "I know. Trying is good. I can accept that." She pushed down on the accelerator as the road steepened considerably, and the truck's engine became a low roar. "Everyone's excited to see you, really."

"Who is everyone?"

"You'll see."

Lightning sighed. "Please tell me you didn't organize some surprise welcome home party."

"Okay, I won't."

Lightning glared at Serah from the corner of her eye, but her face was impassive. Sighing again, she pulled down the passenger side visor and inspected herself in the mirror, pressing her fingers against the faint scars that crisscrossed her face. It had easily taken hundreds of stitches to put it all back together again. The pupil in her right eye was permanently blown, the sphincter muscles too badly torn to be repaired, and as a result her depth perception was very poor. While it was true she hadn't had a seizure in since after she was hospitalized eight months ago, she still suffered from occasional tremors, and any pace faster than a walk tended to be a feat she was incapable of. Her fine motor skills were still not quite up to par, either. This was all after months of physical therapy.

_Brain damage._

_Only 25 years old and I'm practically an invalid._

"No one is going to notice those, Light," Serah said quietly.

"Doesn't mean they won't be looking," Lightning said, folding the visor up. "What did you tell everyone, anyway?"

"You mean, what happened? I said you had an accident. Only Snow knows what actually happened." Serah's mouth was a thin line.

"What kind of accident?"

"I was purposely vague."

Lightning slumped down in her seat, folding her arms. "Great. I was hoping you explained everything to them beforehand. I'm sure people will be asking."

"I didn't know if you wanted me to. And anyway, you don't owe anyone an explanation."

"I know." Lightning's cell phone buzzed in her jeans pocket, signaling she had a text message. She fumbled to extract the phone from her pocket, then opened the message.

_**I still want to see you before you leave. -CR**_

Using the voice recognition program installed on the phone, Lightning murmured, "Too late," in reply. The program, while not exactly the best way to have a private conversation, saved her the long and painful minutes it took her to actually type out a message. Her coordination was garbage, even for such a minor task. Moments after she sent it, her phone rang.

"Who is that?" Serah asked.

She looked up at Serah. "Who do you think?"

"Don't answer it."

Lightning picked up anyway. "Hello?"

"Lightning, you said you would meet with me before you left," Cid said, a thread of desperation in his normally composed tone.

"No. I said - " Lightning pressed her thumb and forefinger into her eyes. "I said I would think about it. I thought about it, and decided it was a bad idea."

"Why? We both need this closure."

"_I_ don't need anything from you," Lightning flared. "Nor do I want anything from you. Look, I'm just trying to move on with my life, or what remains of it. You should do the same. I graciously gave you that chance to do so."

Serah leaned across the console and snatched the phone out of her sister's grasp. "Listen, you son of a bitch. Leave my sister alone or I promise you will regret it. You've done enough. Goodbye. Forever." She hung up and tossed the device back into Lightning's lap, who was staring at her, dumbfounded. "He won't call again if he knows what's good for him."

"I'll say," Lightning said, bemused.

"Were you really going to see him before you left, Light?"

Lightning shrugged. "I thought about it very briefly."

Serah hesitated, then said, "I'm a pretty firm believer in second chances. But not for him." She turned back to the road.

Lightning didn't answer, just leaned her head back against the window and shut her eyes.

She was awoken a half hour later by the truck rumbling over the rough driveway into the farm.

"I was about to wake you," Serah said with a smile. "We're here."

Lightning gazed out the window. On either side of the mile long driveway, fenced in fields enclosing cattle, sheep, and horses stretched as far as the eye could see. They grazed with careless abandon, only the animals closest to the drive even giving the truck a passing glance. Lightning's lips twitched slightly; she hadn't been home in nearly seven years.

As soon as she graduated high school, she had enlisted in the Guardian Corps so that she could make enough money to support Serah and keep the farm afloat without having to dip into the money their parents had left behind when they had died. Serah had stayed behind, making the hour long commute to the University of Eden and earning her teaching degree.

And then she had married Snow Villiers, high school sweetheart, bane of Lightning's existence.

It's not that he was so bad. It was just that Lightning knew Serah could do and deserved better. But he worked hard, at least, and he was nice enough - that, and he made her sister happy.

They pulled up to the long, low farm house. It was an older affair, the majority of its construction by stone, and surrounded by a similar wall. Sitting about a mile back on the property there was a matching guest house. A tanned, shirtless young man was bent over the open hood of an old pick up, and they parked beside him.

"Who is that?" Lightning asked as Serah pulled the keys from the ignition.

"Oh, that's Noel," she replied. "Noel Kreiss. Our full time farmhand. He lives in the guest house out back."

As they exited the vehicle, the man straightened and smiled, wiping grease from his hands. "Hey," he greeted. "I was wondering when you would be back. You must be Lightning," he addressed her, holding out his hand. She hesitated a moment, then accepted the handshake. "I've heard a lot about you," he said warmly.

She shot a sidelong glance at Serah, then back to Noel. "I wonder how much, exactly."

He laughed. "All good, I promise." Turning to Serah, he said, "You want me to unload the truck for you?"

"Where is Snow?" she asked.

"He's running one of the back fence lines, fixing a hole. I offered to go, but he insisted. He said he'd be back around lunch."

Serah looked at her watch. "Alright then," she said. "Then yeah, that'd be great. Thank you." She took Lightning's arm and started leading her into the house.

"I got your old room all set up for you," Serah said as they walked through the kitchen.

"Bunk beds and all?" Lightning questioned, wary.

"Of course not. I upgraded your bedding." Serah rolled her eyes and smiled. "We thought about getting you a loft bed as a joke, but…well, we weren't sure if that would be practical for your condition."

Lightning cleared her throat. "Yeah. Keep it simple."

Serah opened the door to Lightning's old bedroom, and it was like stepping back in time. Though the queen sized bed occupied the wall where the bunk bed once was, and the furniture had been upgraded, it was the same otherwise. Her posters, bulletin board, and collection of ribbons, medals and trophies from various sporting events - horse shows, soccer, softball - still adorned the walls.

"Does it suit?" Serah asked.

"It suits," Lightning said with a small smile.

Noel came in behind them, carrying her pile of luggage with effortless grace. He'd acquired a shirt at some point. "Do you want help putting all this away?" he said as he set it down by the dresser.

Serah clapped her hands together. "That'd be fantastic. I mean, unless you have something to do."

"I've got an hour."

"Serah," Lightning said quietly. "I want to do it myself."

Serah blinked. "Hey," she said, trying to make her tone playful. "Let the man earn his keep. I mean, you…"

"Just let me," Lightning interrupted, glancing at Noel. "If I need help, I'll ask."

"Okay," Serah said, biting her lip. "I guess I'll go get started on lunch, then. Noel, you want to join us?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Sure. I'll just run back to the house and get a quick shower."

"It won't take me that long to make," Serah said. "Just wash up here."

"Yes ma'am," he said with a grin, following her out of the room.

Lightning shut her door behind them, then thought better of it, leaving it open a crack instead. She bent over her first bag and unzipped it, reaching in to pull out the folded laundry. She began to carefully place the clothing into the dresser drawers. It wasn't so hard; it wasn't a task that required the fine dexterity that she no longer possessed. Her physical therapist said that it would all improve with time, and that eight months was not a long time at all to recover from the traumatic brain injuries she had sustained.

She could walk, though. She was grateful for that aspect.

Once she had put all her clothing away, she moved to the next bag. The first thing she pulled out of that was a bloodstained towel.

Lightning stared at it, gripping it with numb fingers. A fine tremor developed in her hands, and she dropped the towel.

Serah would not have packed it. She would've thrown it away, no questions asked. So who did? Cid hadn't lived in their apartment for months, so it couldn't have been him, could it? And why would he even want to?

The door creaking open startled her and she jerked her head up. Noel leaned against the door way, arms folded across his chest. Lightning's eyes lit on the old white scars that criss-crossed both of his well-muscled forearms, so intricate that they almost seemed intentional. His hair was still wet from his shower, and the scent of whatever body wash he had used wafted through the room in a pleasant wave.

"Hey," he said. "I just wanted to tell you something."

Lightning jammed her hands in her pockets. The shaking was worse now, and she knew she'd have to take her meds before lunch if she was to actually hold a fork. "What?" she asked.

"Just that…" He gestured towards her. "I kind of understand what you're going through. If you ever want to talk, I'm a good listener." The corner of his mouth quirked up in a half-smile.

So Serah had told him, a virtual stranger, someone Lightning didn't even know. She wanted to be mad, but she knew it was practical. Noel lived on the property, and if he found her convulsing in a ditch or something he should probably know what was wrong with her.

"Kind of?" she finally replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Well. I won't presume that our experiences are exactly alike. But I had a bad accident when I was fifteen and had to go through intensive therapy." He shrugged. "I just wanted to put that out there. You can take it or leave it. Just want to help, if I can."

"You want to help?" Lightning reached down and picked up the towel, balling it up. Walking towards him, she thrust it into is chest with trembling hands. "Burn this." She pushed past him, their shoulders brushing, and walked down the hall.


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**

"Sis!" Snow walked into the kitchen, his shaggy blonde hair clinging to his sweaty face. Lightning plastered a smile to her face as he approached her. She expected one of his typical bone-crushing hugs, but instead he embraced her rather gingerly, as if he was afraid she would break. She got a whiff of sweat and aftershave before he released her.

Snow turned to Serah, giving her a kiss. "How was the drive?"

"Not bad at all," Serah answered with a smile. "Fixing holes?"

"A minor one in the back sheep pasture. No big deal. No escapees as far as I could tell."

As they talked, Noel walked back inside, brushing his hands off. He met Lightning's gaze, then looked away, going to the sink to wash off.

"Noel, where did you go?" Serah asked. "I didn't even see you go out."

"I had to take care of something real quick," he answered.

She waved a hand towards the table. "Sit down, you guys. Let's eat."

As Snow and Noel pulled their chairs out, Lightning said in a low voice, "Serah, you have my stuff in your bag, right?"

Her eyes widened slightly. "Oh, yeah. I think I left it in the truck. Give me a sec." She paused, then said, "Still okay, right?"

Lightning gave her sister a wry smile. "Still okay."

"I'll be right back," Serah said. "Go ahead and start eating. It'll just be a minute."

Lightning followed the men to the table and took a seat beside Noel. Snow was already grubbing, Noel portioning out his food a little more neatly. Lightning sat on her hands and waited.

"You must be hungry, Lightning," Snow said, swallowing. "Months of hospital food? No wonder you're skin and bones!"

"So there was a hole in that back field?" Noel asked pointedly. Lightning cast a sidelong glance at him. He returned it with a brief smile, then looked back at Snow.

"Yeah. The damage looked pretty fresh."

Noel frowned. "I just ran that line yesterday. I didn't see anything."

Snow shrugged and took another huge bite. "Dunno. Must've happened today, then. It's fixed now, so no worries."

The back door slammed as Serah re-entered the house. Lightning stood up and took the assorted medication from her, then went to the sink, filling up a glass of water. The task proved to be slightly messy; her hands were shaking so bad that she spattered droplets all over her shirt. She popped all the pills at once into her mouth, then took a swift gulp of water. She stood at the sink for a few minutes, clenching her fists and waiting for them to take effect.

"Speaking of sheep," Serah said, "Light, remember that freak blizzard in April when we were kids? I think I was seven or eight…"

Lightning turned around, leaning back against the counter. "And mom brought every single lamb in the kitchen because she was so worried they were going to catch their death?"

Serah laughed. "And we were up all night because they were _so_ loud."

"It was awful." Lightning shook her head and smiled.

"They were so cute, though. I remember begging mom to let me keep the little black one as a pet."

By the time Lightning moved back to the table, Snow and Noel were mostly finished eating. "Fantastic as always," Snow said, kissing his wife on the cheek. Noel murmured his assent. Lightning picked at the food on her plate.

"Guess we better get back to it," Snow said, standing, and Noel followed suit. "See you two at dinner." He smiled at the two women before heading to the door.

"Thank you, Serah," Noel said.

"You're very welcome." She smiled.

"Nice meeting you, Lightning. I'll see you around." With a wave, Noel left the room as well.

Once they were both gone, Serah turned to Lightning. "I hope you plan on eating more than that."

"Trying," Lightning said, forking more into her mouth.

**...**

It wasn't until around noon the next day that Lightning finally woke up. To be on a real mattress instead of a hospital cot was bliss. She would've slept longer, except for the rooster crowing beneath her window.

"Is this a joke?" she muttered, hauling herself out of bed and walking to the window. Throwing the sash up, she stared at the clearly ancient creature perched on a rock, his once-proud tail feathers a mere scraggly shadow of their former self. The bird looked at her peevishly, then proceeded to crow once more.

Slamming the window shut, she turned away, grumbling. She knew it was unreasonable for her to sleep any longer, so she pulled on a pair of shorts, t-shirt and boots, then left her room. In the bathroom, she washed her face, brushed her teeth, and ran a comb through her unruly locks. After downing her morning meds, she walked down the hall.

She felt pretty good, considering. A real bed certainly helped.

Serah was at work, teaching at Euride's tiny public elementary school. She had left a note in the kitchen with Snow and Noel's phone numbers. Beside Serah's note, Snow had penned his own, saying he went to the feed store in town and would be back around three.

Lightning briefly considered grabbing a bite to eat, but her stomach curdled at the very thought. She compromised on a glass of orange juice, then went outside.

The sky was overcast, a sure prelude to an autumn storm. As she walked the dirt paths between the fields, a shaggy black dog bounded towards her, plumed tail whipping back and forth. She couldn't help but smile as the exuberant canine sniffed at her fingers, then fell in step beside her. As Lightning passed a cluster of burn barrels by the side of the lane, the memory of finding the incriminating towel among her luggage sobered her.

She pulled her phone out of her shorts pocket and found Cid in her contacts. After a moment's hesitation, she dialed him. It rang once, twice, three times, and Lightning thought that he wouldn't pick up. But after the fourth ring, he answered.

"Lightning."

"Raines," she said, her voice empty.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" He was just as stoic, and he was better at playing that game than Lightning was. Gone were the traces of emotion that he had displayed just yesterday.

"I have a question," she said.

"Which is?"

"Did you put that towel in my things?"

Cid was silent for a moment. "Towel?" he asked finally. "Are you talking about the towel from…"

"Yes," she interrupted. "It was packed among my things. Was that you?"

"No," he said quietly. "I did not. I haven't been in our apartment in months."

Lightning believed him. Cid was not a liar. An omitter of truths, perhaps, among other things - but never a flat out liar.

"Why would you still have that, anyway? Wouldn't it have gotten thrown out?"

"I don't know," Lightning said. "I'd assume so. But I haven't been back there either. Only Serah has, to pack my things and get rid of the rest of it, and she wouldn't have kept it."

"That's disconcerting, Lightning."

"I know. That's why I called."

"Well," Cid said, "I can't help you."

"Alright Cid," she said. "Sorry to have bothered you."

She went to hang up, but she heard him say, "Wait."

"What?"

"Lightning, I really want to see you face to face."

Lightning sighed. "I have no way back to the city. I can't drive. And no one here is going to drive me all the way back to Eden to see you."

"I'll meet you in Euride, then. Surely you can get a ride in town."

She hesitated, then said, "I'll think about it. Give me a week to get my bearings."

"Fine," Cid said. "Call me when you've made a decision. Try not to make it longer than a week. I received orders."

"Going on a tour of duty? Where?"

"Yaschas Massif for another two years."

"Back to Pulse," Lightning mused. _And where we first met._

"Yes. I have to go, Lightning. Don't forget to call me. Goodbye." With that, Cid hung up.

Lightning shoved her phone back in her pocket and continued walking the dirt path. Her canine companion, who had been lounging by the base of a nearby sprawling oak, jumped to her feet and trotted alongside of her. After a few minutes of walking, the dog barked, bounding across the road and along the fence line, and Lightning glanced up to see what she was so excited about.

Noel was astride a horse - an enormous palomino pinto stallion. His muscular legs were fully feathered, nearly obscuring the large, striped hooves. At an unseen signal from his rider, he burst into a powerful trot, the luxurious flagged tail streaming behind him.

Lightning couldn't help but lean against the fence and watch. Though she hadn't ridden in years, she had been an accomplished rider in her childhood, and she was entranced by the stallion.

The black dog put her paws on the uppermost fence board, peering over the top with her floppy ears pricked. Again she barked, and this time Noel looked up. He smiled to see the two of them at fence, and urged the horse over to them.

"Hey," he said, slightly out of breath. "I was wondering when I'd see you up and about."

"Is he yours?" Lightning offered a hand to the horse, who snuffled over her palm.

"Oh, no. Belongs to the farm," Noel answered. "Your sister bought him last year. This is Odin." He clapped the horse's arched neck.

"Fitting name," Lightning said. "Why did my sister buy a stallion, though?"

"She wants to start breeding and selling the babies," Noel said. "Or wants me to, rather." He rearranged the horse's mane to one side of his neck. "So this guy's the start of the breeding stock."

"This is in your job description?"

"Yeah." Noel smiled slightly. "I went to live with my grandmother when I was fifteen. She raised horses. I found I had a knack for it. When I moved back here, I was trying to find a job that would put that talent to work." He shrugged one shoulder. "Here I am."

"Here you are," Lightning echoed.

"Do you ride?" he inquired.

Lightning shook her head. "I used to. I haven't since I went into the Guardian Corps. Now I definitely can't, I suppose."

"No way." He dismounted, and Lightning realized he had been riding bareback the entire time. "You should start again. There's a reason they use horses for physical therapy." The dog, who had been sitting quietly while they talked, stuck her head through the fence boards. Noel leaned down and rubbed her ears. "Right, Moo Moo?" The dog wiggled happily.

"Moo Moo," Lightning said, amused.

"Here. I want to show you something, Lightning." He lead Odin through the nearby gate. "Hop on. I'll give you a boost."

Lightning raised her eyebrows. "Are you going to give me a pony ride?"

Noel rolled his eyes and smiled. "No. It'll just be a quicker trip." He held out his hands. "C'mon."

Lightning was about to refuse, but her curiosity won out. It wasn't like she had a single thing better to do. She furled a hand in the horse's thick mane and stepped into Noel's cupped palms, and he boosted her onto Odin's broad back.

"Scoot back," Noel told her, and once she had, he vaulted effortlessly onto the horse. Odin tossed his head, ears pricked. "Hold on," he said.

"To what?" Lightning asked, bemused.

"Me." Noel took her arms and settled them around his waist before gathering the reins. "Ready?"

He nudged Odin with his heels, who broke into a steady canter. Lightning tightened her grip on Noel, fingers curling in his shirt. It was exhilarating to be on the back of a horse again, though she was more passenger than rider at the moment. The horse's gait, though quick, was comfortable, like a rocking horse.

A few minutes later they stopped at the horse barn, and Noel slipped off. Lightning dismounted after him, and he caught her around the waist as she stumbled.

"Sorry," she muttered, straightening.

"It's okay." He took the horse's reins and led him into the barn, and Lightning followed him.

Once Noel had Odin secured in a stall, he led Lightning down the aisle to a large corner box stall. He put a finger to his lips and gestured, and Lightning peeked over the top of the stall door.

At first she only saw a large black mare facing the corner and munching hay, before her eyes were quickly drawn to what lay at the mare's feet - a tiny, fuzzy foal, his coat black splattered with white markings. His face was completely white, with one blue eye.

"Oh," she said, delighted.

The mare swiveled her head around at the sound of her voice. Alarmed, the baby unwrapped his long legs and stood, wobbling for a moment before ducking under his dam's still-swollen belly. He peered at them between his mother's legs, disproportionally large ears swiveling back and forth with uncertainty.

"He must be brand new," Lightning remarked.

"Born just this morning," Noel confirmed. "By Odin. Though it was an accident, actually. He jumped into the mare paddock the first night he was here." He grinned.

"So there are other pregnant mares?"

"Just one. She's due any time now."

"I've never seen a foal be born," Lightning said. "My parents didn't breed horses when I was growing up."

"Well, when the time comes, you'll be the first I alert." He stepped back from the stall and faced her. "It's a little scary, but awesome."

"I can handle it," Lightning assured him.

"I know." Noel stretched his arms behind his head. "Well, I've got to get back to work. It's almost feeding time." As he spoke, thunder rumbled in the distance. "Oh, fantastic."

"Better work fast."

"Always." He paused. "Want me to give you a ride back to the farmhouse? My truck is right here."

"That would be great," Lightning said, relieved she wouldn't have to hobble the entire way back in the rain. As she followed him to the vehicle, she said, "Hey."

Noel glanced at her over his shoulder. "Yes?"

"Thanks. For yesterday."

The corner of his mouth quirked. "Sure. You're welcome."


	3. Chapter 3

**Three**

"When can you be in Euride?"

It had been a week, and as promised, Lightning was calling Cid.

"Noon today, at the soonest," Cid replied smoothly. "Or sometime tomorrow, perhaps?"

"Today," Lightning said. "Frankly, I'd rather get this over with."

"Your words ever wound me," Cid said.

"Just being honest."

"Fine, then. Where do you want to meet?"

"I don't know." Lightning tried to think. "Power Diner?"

"Fine. Noon, then?"

"Noon is fine. See you then." Lightning hung up, then glanced out of the kitchen window. A steady rain had been falling all week, and most of the property was suitably muddy. Serah had been planning on throwing a welcome home barbecue for tomorrow, but it was looking like it would be rained out.

She dialed Noel's number, hoping he would actually be able to give her a ride. He was the only one who could. Serah never would in a million years, and by association Snow wouldn't, either. At any rate, both of them were working. Noel didn't know enough about her or her situation to think anything of taking her in town to meet an old friend.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Noel. It's Lightning."

"Hi there. Everything okay?" Noel sounded concerned.

"Yeah, fine. I was actually hoping for a favor."

"Anything."

"Do you think you could give me a ride in town around 11:30? I'm meeting a friend for lunch."

"Yeah, that shouldn't be a problem," Noel said. "I'll swing by the house in a bit."

"Thanks, Noel."

"No problem."

Lightning hung up and made her way to her room to get dressed. She studied her face in the mirror above her dresser, then decided she wouldn't put more effort than usual in her appearance. She didn't want Cid to get the wrong impression. One look at her face would probably discourage him, anyway.

She shook her head. He wasn't an animal.

As she finished dressing, she heard the honk of a car horn from outside. She peered through the blinds and saw Noel's truck sitting in the drive. Dumping her keys, phone and meds into her bag, she went outside, hurrying through the downpour.

"You look nice," Noel commented as she slammed the truck door.

"Thanks," Lightning said, though she was certain that she looked the same as any other day.

Noel put the truck in gear and started down the muddy lane. "Where are we headed?"

"Uh, Power Diner," Lightning said.

Noel frowned. "I think I know where that is."

"You should. It's the local landmark." Fifty years before, the Euride Power Plant, which had perched precariously on the edge of the mountain, fell into the gorge below after a bad rainstorm that had eroded the ground away. The remains that hadn't fallen in were moved a safe distance from the cliff and were made into a restaurant. "I'll tell you where to go." She put on her seatbelt. "Not from around here, I assume?"

His lips quirked. "No."

"Then where?"

"Well, born and raised in Sunleth till I was fifteen. Then I lived with my grandmother in Pulse."

"Really?" Lightning looked at him. "Where in Pulse?"

"Oerba."

"I went on TDY at Yaschas Massif for six months a few years ago," Lightning said.

"I didn't know you were military," Noel remarked. "PSICOM or Guardian Corps?"

"The Corps," Lightning said. "I went in when I was 18. Got out a year and a half ago."

"Did you like it?"

"It was more out of necessity than desire to pursue a military career."

"I see."

They pulled up to the diner a half hour later. As Lightning went to exit the vehicle, Noel said, "I'm just going to stay in town. Call me when you're ready to go, I guess."

"Will do," Lightning said. "Thanks."

She turned and walked towards the entrance. Taking a deep breath, she squared her shoulders and walked inside. The interior was dim, the walls covered in old photos and posters of the power plant in its glory days, as well as other period memorabilia. Lightning looked around, but couldn't spot Cid's lanky frame in any of the booths. As she pulled out her phone to call him, she heard him utter her name.

She turned around and looked up at him. Cid was nearly a foot taller than Lightning, and she really had to crane her neck to see his face. His grey eyes widened as his gaze lit on her countenance. He hesitated, then touched her cheek with a brush of fingertips. She ducked her head, her throat inexplicably tight.

"Let's sit," she said.

"Yes," he answered, tone and expression unreadable.

They picked a booth in a one of the corners. Cid studied the menu for a moment, then tossed it onto the table top. "Are you hungry?"

"No."

At that moment a waiter came to the table.

"Ice water," Lightning requested.

"Just coffee," Cid told him. "Black. Thanks. That'll be all for now."

"Sure," the waiter said agreeably, and went to fill their drink order.

Cid looked at Lightning. "No coffee for you?"

"I already have bad tremors, Cid. Caffeine will just make it worse."

Once he returned with the beverages, Lightning took a sip from her glass and sat back in the booth. "So. We're here, face to face. Now what?"

"Your eye," Cid said.

Lightning gestured. "Your ring."

"Ah." He examined the bare finger where the ornate military ring used to sit. "I wondered what happened to it." When Lightning said nothing, he continued, "I still don't know what happened that night."

"Do you really want a play by play, Cid?"

"I suppose I would deserve it."

"Well." Lightning took a bigger sip. "It's nothing I care to recall. And I don't want to punish you. If I did, I would've."

"I know," Cid said quietly. "Thank you for that."

"I believe you when you said you don't remember any of it, Cid. I heard about the results of your drug test. And if you had been charged, you would've gotten a DD from the Corps."

"Yes."

As Cid drank his coffee, Lightning was struck by the realization that she could not, in any way, shape, or form, take this man in a fair fight. Before she had, at least, had the ability to outrun him, though she had won her fair share of spars with him before. Now, she didn't even have that.

And before, well. _That_ hadn't been a fair fight.

Lightning drained her own glass and placed it back on the table. "Well, this has been productive. I should probably go."

"No. Lightning, wait."

She sighed. "What? We have nothing to say to each other. This is it, Cid. End of the line."

Cid grabbed her hands. "Lightning, I am sorry. More than you know, more than you'll ever know." He squeezed her fingers. "We were good together, weren't we?"

"Were. Past tense." Lightning tried to draw her hands away, but he wouldn't relinquish his grip. "Cid, let me go," she said.

"You need to hear me out, first."

"What do you want from me?" she snapped. "Benediction? Cid, you ruined my life, okay? This, everything, is your fault. I will never be one hundred percent again, no matter how much therapy I go through, and your apologies aren't going to fix me either. So if you're expecting forgiveness, forget it. I already gave you a break, and that's all you get. You should be grateful for that."

"Marry me," he said.

She stared at him. "Excuse me?"

"You're right, Lightning." Cid's face was anguished, his voice rough. "Nothing I say can undo the damage. But I swear to god I am the same man I was before that night. Just come with me to Pulse, we'll figure the rest out."

"You think I can ever trust you again? Are you an idiot?"

"Lightning, just - "

"I have_ brain damage_, Cid."

"I'll take care of you."

"I don't want to be taken care of by the same person who put me in this situation in the first place!"

"Lower you voice," Cid hissed.

"Get the fuck off of me," she growled.

"Lightning!" Noel.

Lightning looked up and saw him striding towards the table, face grim. "We need to go," he said. "Now."

Cid released Lightning's hands, sitting back. "And you are?" he said, bemused.

"Don't worry about it," Noel said. "I know all about you, though."

"Do you." Cid arched a brow.

"I know enough," Noel said through gritted teeth. "Lightning."

She gave him a curious look, then pulled herself to her feet. "Probably an appropriate time to cut this conversation short, anyway."

"I'll call you," Cid said.

Lightning said, "Don't bother," and Noel spoke over her, "You won't," as he took Lightning's arm.

Cid furrowed his brows and gestured to him. "Who _is_ this, Lightning?"

"My ride. Goodbye, Cid. Good luck on tour."

"Iam going call you."

"Let's go," Noel said.

As they walked into the parking lot, Lightning stopped, tugging herself out of Noel's grip. He let her go and turned to her. "What was that all about?" she said.

"Your sister called me," he said flatly.

She frowned. "What did she tell you?"

"Everything. When I told her I gave you a ride in town to meet someone, she knew. She's pretty pissed." He ran his fingers through his hair. "At you and me."

"Great," Lightning muttered.

As they got into the truck, Noel slammed the door, jamming the key into the ignition. He cursed under his breath he fought to put the stubborn vehicle in first gear, then pulled onto the road.

"What's the problem?" Lightning asked. "What are you so upset about? I'll talk to my sister. This isn't your fault."

"That's not what I'm mad about," he said.

"Then what?"

"That guy. What he did." He hesitated. "You wanting to see him."

"He's about to go on tour again, there was no harm in meeting him in a public place. Not that it's any of your business."

"I suppose not," Noel murmured. "It just all hits a little close to home for me. I'm sorry." He glanced at her. "But if something had happened to you - if he had hurt you - I would've never forgiven myself."

"You don't even know him," Lightning snapped. "It's not like that. He wasn't going to kidnap me or something. What kind of guy do you think he is? What kind of person do you think_ I _am? I wasn't running back into his waiting arms."

"He beats women," Noel said. "That's all I care to know about him."

"Serah told you one side of the story. Don't presume to know the rest." She crossed her arms and turned to look out the window. The rain was extremely heavy, the density cutting visibility to mere inches in front of them. Noel had to slow the truck to a crawl.

"This is insane," he muttered. "I wish I'd never agreed to this."

"I won't ask you for anything again, don't worry."

"Lightning, that's not what I meant," he sighed. "I have no lost love for people who hurt others like that, men, women, children, whatever. My own father - shit!" He suddenly slammed on the brakes. Lightning pitched forward in the seat, smacking into the dashboard before her seatbelt locked and pulled her back. The truck came to a shuddering halt, brakes squealing.

"You okay?" Noel asked.

"Why did you…" Lightning peered through the windshield. "Oh." The road was washed out. Water and mud roiled through the chasm and down the mountain. "Holy shit."

Noel put the truck in reverse and eased back from the edge. "Well, this is bad."

"The only other way back is to go around the other side of the mountain," Lightning said. "But it'll take hours."

"How long, do you think?"

"I don't know," she said. "Four, five. It'll be dark by the time we get back."

"Damn." He turned the truck around. "What should we do? What if the other way is the same?"

Lightning looked out at the torrential downpour. A police-issued SUV drove by them, red and blue lights flashing. "I don't know," she said. "Go back into town until it lets up?"

"I don't think it's supposed to," Noel said quietly.

Lightning shook her head. "Okay. Let me call Serah." She pulled her phone out of her bag. Her phone listed that she had five missed calls from her sister. Smiling slightly, she dialed her number.

"Lightning!" she said when she picked up. "I am so furious with you right now, you know that? What were you thinking! And you tried to hide it, too."

"Serah," Lightning interrupted. "We have a problem."

"Damn right we do."

"Not that," she said. "The road is washed out. We nearly plummeted off the side of the mountain."

"Oh, god. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Noel stopped just in time. But what should we do? Try the other way, do you think?"

Serah paused. "I dunno," she said finally. "It might be bad that way, too. This weather is insane."

"Yeah. I've never seen it so bad."

"It's up to you, Light. You could get a hotel in town until it the weather gets better, but it could be days, and it might get worse in the meantime. But I don't want you to try going the other way and get caught in a mudslide or something."

"I know. It's a bit of a catch twenty-two."

"Let me talk to Noel."

Lightning handed the phone over.

"Hey," Noel said. "Yeah. I can barely see anything. Mmhmm. I don't know, we can definitely give it a shot. I'm game if she is…yeah. I'm worried about that too. Should we just get a room then? Okay. Here she is." He handed the phone back. "She says we should stay in town to be safe," he said.

"It's not a bad idea," Lightning told him, then held the phone up to her ear. "I guess we'll stay here, then."

"It would make me feel better," Serah said. "Ride it out for a few days, I suppose. By the way, we are going to talk about what you did today, but I'll let it go for now."

Lightning sighed. "Nothing happened, Serah. He just wanted to talk. He's going on a tour of duty soon, and it's pretty much guaranteed we will never see each other again."

"We'll talk about it later," Serah said. "Be safe, okay?"

"Okay," Lightning said. "Love you."

"Love you too, sis." Serah hung up.

**...**

"One bed," Lightning noted as they entered their hotel suite.

"The concierge said this is all they have left," Noel said. "We aren't the only ones stranded, it seems."

Lightning dug through her bag, pulling out her assortment of medications and spreading them out on the kitchenette counter. Noel pulled a glass from the cabinet above the fridge and handed it to her. "I'll take the couch," he said.

She turned on the sink, filling up the glass. "If you want. The bed is king-sized. It's not a big deal, unless you sleep naked or something."

He grinned. "No."

"Then I don't really care." She popped the pills into her mouth and washed them down with a swig of water. "I've slept in closer quarters with guys I knew even less than I know you while on TDY."

"They didn't segregate your units by sex?" Noel asked.

She shrugged one shoulder. "No. There weren't that many women in my unit in the first place. I didn't really mind it."

Noel nodded. "I'm going to take a shower," he said.

"Okay." Lightning sat on the edge of the bed as he went into the bathroom and closed the door. She rubbed her face. It had been an exhausting day, more emotionally draining than she'd thought it would be. Seeing Cid again…

Noel poked his head out of the bathroom. "Um, we have a problem."

She looked up at him. "What?"

He looked sheepish. "No towels."

"Seriously?" She hauled herself to her feet. "I'll go bug the front desk."

"You sure?" he said. "I can go."

"You're already naked," she pointed out. Noel blinked, then shut the door.

"You win," he called.

"I'll be right back."

Slipping a room key into her pocket, she went out into the hallway. Once she reached the lobby, she went straight to the front desk.

"What can I help you with, miss?" the concierge asked.

"Towels."

"Oh. I'm terribly sorry. With this weather, people have been requesting extra towels to dry off, and I guess room service neglected to replace the ones in your room. I'll fetch you some straightaway." He ducked into the back.

Lightning turned and leaned against the counter. As she waited, she saw Cid enter the lobby from the outside, his dark hair clinging to his wet face. She spun around and ducked her head, but she knew there was no way he could miss her.

She felt his presence loom behind her. "Well," he murmured. "Is this what one calls fate?"

At that moment the concierge returned with an armful of towels. Accepting them and hugging them to her chest, she said, "No such thing as fate, Raines," and walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Four**

_It was the sound of tears dripping down onto a pad of paper. Muted, yet distinct. But it couldn't be tears, because she wasn't crying, and there was no paper, just the cold tile floor against her cheek. _

_What was it that immobilized her? Fear? Disbelief? The pain that so overpowered all of her senses? She was a deer in headlights, powerless to avoid her fate. As she looked into the eyes of the man she loved, she could see that there was no one home. Tears nor words would move him from his objective. He was predator, and she was prey. She had to die, and he had to be the one who killed her._

_Through bleeding, swollen lips, she tried to say his name. He didn't hear her. He came closer to her prone form, wrapped only in a white, fluffy towel. His clear, grey eyes had been swallowed by their pupils._

_She thought she knew pain._

Lightning opened her eyes, stifling a gasp.

She had never dreamt of that night, ever. Her dreams had always been mercilessly devoid of anything since it had happened, while her reality had been all too horrible.

_It was from seeing Cid again._

She honestly thought that she could handle it. Long, lonely months in a hospital ward had given her enough time to dwell. She had come to accept the fact that the relationship had to be over. They had dated for three years, and she truly believed she had loved him. But he'd nearly killed her, and regardless of the circumstances, she could not be with him.

There were still residual feelings, she'd discovered. Not a lot, but enough to hurt.

And he'd asked her to marry him. To think just a year before she might have even said yes.

She sat up. The hotel room was still dark, and she could hear the rain pounding against the windows. She looked over at Noel, who was lying on his back, one arm behind his head, his features lit by his phone as he scrolled through it. He looked up at her.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. Just…bad dream, I guess." Lightning pushed her hair out of her face. "What time is it?"

Noel consulted his phone. "Three," he told her.

"Why are you even up?"

He shrugged. "I couldn't sleep."

"Oh." Lightning laid back down, pulling the covers to her chest. "Hey, Noel?"

"What?"

"Sorry," she murmured.

"It's okay. I was just upset. It took all of my restraint not to drag that guy outside."

Lightning groaned. "Please, no macho bullshit."

Noel laughed. "It's a guy thing, I think."

"And anyway, he probably would've wiped the floor with you. He's a high-ranking officer in the Corps."

"I dunno," Noel said.

"Trust me," Lightning said. "I do."

"Alright." Noel went back to his phone.

Lightning rolled over on her side, staring at the wall. After a moment, she said, "Do you think it's wrong to love someone who hurt you?"

She heard Noel set his phone on the night stand. "No," he said quietly. "It's not wrong. You can't erase history. So, unhealthy and dangerous, maybe, but wrong, no. As long as you handle your feelings the right way."

Lightning nodded. "Good night."

"Hey." The mattress dipped as Noel leaned over. He touched her shoulder. "My offer still stands. If you want to talk…"

Lightning felt her throat tighten. "Why?"

Noel paused. "What do you mean, why?"

"What's the point of talking about it? It's in the past. What will talking about it do for me? Re-establish what I already know?"

"It's not good to keep it bottled inside. Did you ever talk to a therapist?"

"I was appointed one in the hospital."

"And?"

"I didn't talk to her."

"Why not?" Noel said, exasperated.

"Because I didn't want to." Lightning turned and glared at him.

"Well, you should talk to _someone_, at least."

"No! There's no point," Lightning said again. "I lived through it once, I don't need to revisit it. It was shitty enough. I've already accepted it, okay?"

"Then why did you ask me that question? It's obviously about that Cid guy."

"I just wondered what you thought, that's all."

"You're crying," he said softly.

"I'm not - " She rolled over again, pulling the sheet over her head. "Leave me alone."

She felt him get up and leave the bedroom, presumably to retreat to the couch. _Good. Go away._

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and tried to go back to sleep.

**...**

"Lightning."

She groaned, hugging her pillow.

"Hey." She felt a hand close on her shoulder, squeezing lightly. "Wake up, sleepyhead."

Lightning opened an eye. Noel was dressed, leaning over her. "I'm going to the store to get some stuff," he said. "Do you want to come with me?"

Lightning fumbled for her phone on the side table and checked the time - nine. "Is it still raining?" she asked.

"Yeah," Noel said. "It's still pretty bad."

"Hm." Lightning sat up, rubbing her eyes. "Yeah. Okay. I guess so. I need a change of clothes."

Noel gave her a wry smile. "Same here."

The rain was torrential as they ran through the parking lot to the truck. Already the pavement was cracking, the newly formed potholes overflowing with water. Lightning squeezed the water from her hair as Noel started the truck.

"About last night…" he said.

"Don't worry about it," Lightning muttered.

"No, I want to apologize. I was too pushy. I'm really sorry."

"It's fine," Lightning said.

"It's not fine," he murmured. "I feel really bad about it."

"Honestly, it's really not that big of a deal, Noel," she told him. "Just…we aren't the same, okay? Maybe talking about your problems works for you, but I don't really make a habit of emptying my face."

"Fair enough." He winced as the truck rolled over a pothole.

They arrived at the convenience store shortly, which was mostly empty. Noel and Lightning headed for the limited clothing section, which mostly featured acid-washed t-shirts emblazoned with the old power plant logo or the town's name, but pants and underwear were available as well. Lightning grabbed a couple of shirts, shorts, and undergarments for herself, and Noel did the same.

"How long do you think we'll be stuck here?" she asked Noel.

He shrugged. "I don't know." He bit his lip, glancing out of the large plate windows at the front of the store. "I really don't. I'm tempted to try the other route, but if it's washed out as well…"

"I know," Lightning said. "And it's a much longer drive."

Noel nodded. "We'll re-examine the possibility tomorrow, if you're up to it."

Once they'd made their purchases, they trekked once again through the pouring rain to the shelter of the truck. Noel exhaled. "This is shitty," he muttered as he eased the truck onto the road. "Good thinking bringing your meds, though."

Lightning closed her eyes for a moment. A lightheadedness had started to persist the moment she had gotten into the truck, and it was getting increasingly worse. She pressed her cheek against the cold window and opened her eyes again. "Yeah," she said.

He glanced at her, but didn't say anything.

Minutes later they were back at the hotel. "I'm gonna see if they still have anything at the breakfast bar," Noel said as they walked through the lobby. "You want anything?"

Lightning spied Cid standing at the front desk from the corner of her eye, shortly before her vision started to white out. She stumbled. Noel grabbed her arm before she hit the floor, pulling her to her feet. "You okay?"

Her breath left her in a forceful gasp as she hit the floor.

**...**

Lightning awoke to cool fingers on her forehead, brushing her hair away from her face. She opened her eyes to find herself lying on her side. She turned her head and saw Cid kneeling above her, Noel right behind him. A ring of people surrounded them, their faces an array of concern and curiosity.

"Alright, get back," Cid said to them. "Give her some room to breathe." As the crowd dispersed, he turned back to her. "Hey sweetheart," he murmured. "You scared the shit out of us."

She closed her eyes again, letting her head drop on her arm. She tried to fight the exhaustion that permeated her being. She felt like she had just run a ten mile marathon. "What happened?" she mumbled.

"Lightning, we need to get you back to your room and…cleaned up."

Her eyes popped back open. "What?"

Noel came to her other side. "Can you stand?"

"I feel sick," she whispered hoarsely.

He slid his arms under her and lifted her up.

"Want a towel?" Cid asked.

"It's fine."

Lightning's eyes slipped shut again as he carried her down the hall. Not even the concern and dread that were forming a knot in her already roiling stomach was enough to keep her awake. She found herself stirring from her doze again as Noel set her down on the hotel bed.

"I don't know if you should've moved her," Cid said. "Maybe we should've called an ambulance."

"I wasn't going to let her lie there and be gawked at by a bunch of strangers," Noel snapped. "It was a seizure - "

"A _bad _one - "

"- that lasted all of two minutes."

"I suppose. Doubtful that EMS could get up here, anyway."

"I had a seizure?" Lightning mumbled

They both looked down at her. "Yes," Cid said.

She turned her face away. "No. I haven't had a seizure since right after…"

"It was most definitely a seizure," Cid said, his tone grim.

"Yeah," Noel affirmed quietly.

"Subsequently, you're a bit of a mess," Cid said.

Lightning was suddenly aware of the taste of vomit in her mouth and the dampness on her jeans. She waited for the embarrassment and anger to consume her, but there was nothing but the exhaustion, overriding every sense. She buried her face in the pillow. She felt a sheet being pulled over her.

"Out," Noel said.

"She needs clean clothes," Cid argued.

"What she needs is sleep."

"Go away, both of you," she murmured.

She heard the bedroom door shut and muffled arguing outside of the door. She began to drift off again when the door opened and shut once more. The mattress dipped.

"Lightning," Cid said.

"Go away," she repeated.

"Lightning, just let me help you change into a pair of shorts. I know you. I know you're going to freak out when you wake up again. After this you can sleep as long as you want."

She groaned and opened her eyes, staring up at his earnest face. "Under the sheet," she said.

"Fair enough," he murmured in assent.

He reached under the sheet and undid her fly, tugging both the jeans and underwear off. He quickly replaced them with the shorts she had bought that morning. He adjusted the sheet over her, then leaned over. She felt his lips on her shoulder. "Rest well."

As he walked away, she whispered, "Thanks."

"You're welcome." The door opened.

"Now leave," Noel said, his voice acidic.

"I am."

The door shut once more, and Lightning finally sank into an unencumbered sleep.

**...**

"No, I don't. I really don't."

Lightning sat up and stretched, her back cracking. The room was dark, the only light coming through the cracked bedroom door. She was still tired, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been earlier. She paused as Noel spoke again, listening.

"If there's ever a time I do, I'll let you know. Until then…"

She checked her phone: it was a little after one in the morning. She threw back the covers and got out of bed, surprised at how much her joints ached, especially her jaw. The times she had seized in the hospital, she had been so doped up that she couldn't really remember their aftermath much. At least she hadn't bitten her tongue.

She ambled into the bathroom and washed her face, then brushed her teeth. She avoided examining her reflection, instead heading for the living room.

Noel sat on the couch, phone in hand and seeming lost in thought. As Lightning crossed the threshold he looked up. "Hey," he said. "How do you feel?"

"Shitty," she answered.

He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sure," he said. "Scary to watch. Must be hell on your body."

"Who were you talking to?" Lightning asked.

"No one of consequence," Noel said quietly.

She decided not to push it. She sat down on the other end of the couch, tucking her legs underneath her. "Do you ever sleep?"

He looked amused. "Not really."

"I could relate, once upon a time," Lightning said. "But since after…well." She shrugged.

"Yeah," he murmured. "Opposite for me."

She held his gaze for a long moment before he averted his eyes, placing his phone on the coffee table. "I wanted to talk to you about tomorrow. Or later today, I guess."

"Let's leave," Lightning said.

Noel looked relieved. "That's what I was going to ask you about."

"If you're down, so am I," Lightning told him. "I really don't want to be here any longer. If we can pull it off…"

"Well, the rain's stopped," he said. "And as far as I've heard, the other route is still clear. I think we'll be okay."

"Then let's do it," she said, getting back off the couch. "Oh, and Noel…" She hesitated, the continued, "Um, if you need to talk about something, I'll listen. I'm not so great at the talking part, but I lend a decent ear." She gave him a small smile.

Noel tilted his head, regarding her. "Maybe I'll take you up on that offer," he said. "But right now, you have enough on your plate." He returned the smile. "I'm going to attempt to get some shut eye, I think."

"Alright," she said. "Good night."


	5. Chapter 5

**Five**

"I think we're in the home stretch," Lightning remarked as the mountain road leveled off.

Noel sat back in his seat and sighed. "Thank god. No one was ever meant to sit in a car for this long."

"Try a pl - oh, you must have," Lightning muttered. "Never mind."

"A plane? Yes," Noel affirmed. "Only twice though. From here to Pulse when I was fifteen, and back here a couple of years ago."

"How old are you, anyway?"

"Twenty-six."

She turned in her seat to look at him. He stared ahead through the windshield, his expression relaxed. She noticed his mouth naturally quirked up at the corners. It made it appear like he was always smiling slightly. He glanced at her, then looked back to the road.

"How much longer, do you think?"

"Forty-five minutes at the most," she answered. "Probably less."

"Sounds good to me."

After a few minutes of silence, she asked, "So why did you go to live with your grandmother? What happened to your parents?"

He bit his lip, then gave her a wry smile. "Remember what I said last night?"

"You seem like you want to talk, Noel."

"I guess I do. Seeing what you're going through kinda…brought it all back, I suppose."

"So…" Lightning prompted.

"So." He sighed. "Well, my mom died when I was ten. Things were good until then. When she died, something in my dad just…broke, I guess. He was never the same after that."

"I'm sorry," she murmured.

"Yeah. She got shot while getting money out of an ATM in Eden." He shook his head. "Crazy."

She studied his profile, but his face betrayed nothing.

"My dad was just so full of anger. Understandably, I guess. I was, too. But he wanted to exact some kind of revenge, except he didn't really have anyone to take it out on. Other than me."

She stared at him.

"It wasn't so bad, I guess. Not any worse then when I got punished. There was just no rhyme or reason to it. He'd just go off, smack me at the dinner table, whatever. But it started making me angry, too. Once I got into high school, I started taking it out on the other kids. Not to the point where anyone got seriously hurt, just typical schoolyard brawls. We never even got in trouble for it.

"But on my fifteenth birthday, I lost it. Some asshole was talking about my mom - not that he knew anything about her, he didn't even know she was dead, or anything. He was just being a jerk. But I didn't care." Noel closed his eyes for a split second. "I really let him have it. Broken nose, black eyes. I was suspended and my dad had to pick me up. As soon as we got home…"

"Noel," Lightning said softly.

"He beat the shit out of me," Noel said matter of factly. "But this time I fought back. And that made him even madder. He broke both my arms, my legs. My collar bone." He touched his throat. "My jaw. A few ribs. Cracked my sternum. I really thought I was going to die. At that point, I would've welcomed it."

Though Lightning watched him in faint horror, bile rising in her throat, it was a feeling she could relate too. As Cid had pounded her face into something unrecognizable, she had prayed for death.

"So I was in the hospital for awhile. Over half a year, recovering. A lot of physical therapy. I had a psychologist too, but I didn't say anything. I was convinced it was my fault. If I hadn't fought back, it wouldn't have escalated to the point that it did. I was consumed with guilt. My dad was in jail because of me.

"Once I was finally discharged, my grandmother, who'd been by my side the whole ordeal, took me back to her farm in Oerba. By that point, I was convinced I was less than nothing and that I should've died that night."

"What happened to your arms?" Lightning asked.

Noel glanced at her. "Well, there wasn't really an outlet for my despair, I guess. We lived in the middle of nowhere, and I was home schooled by my grandmother. I didn't want anything to do with the animals or farm work, and she left me alone for the most part. So." He exhaled. "I started cutting. Stupid, I know. But I was a stupid kid."

Lightning took his hand where it rested on the gear shift and turned it over, palm up. The white scars criss-crossed up his tanned forearm, seeming to stem from a large, dark scar on his wrist.

"You tried to kill yourself?" she said quietly.

"Yes. When I was seventeen. Using a very ineffective manner, it would seem."

She looked up at him.

"My grandmother found me," Noel said. "And after that she decided she wouldn't leave me alone anymore." He smiled fondly. "Things were better after that. I saw a therapist, started working with the horses. Always darkest before the dawn, and all that."

"You know it's not your fault, right?" Lightning said.

"What my dad did? Yes. Took some convincing on my therapist's part, but yes. I know." He closed his hand over Lightning's and squeezed briefly, then set it back on the shifter. "I shouldn't have fought back, but it's not an excuse to…do what he did."

"No." Lightning folded her arms over her stomach. "It's good that you can talk about it, Noel. I…I'm glad that you told me."

"Yeah," Noel said quietly.

"It's different for me, though. I mean, you were just a kid, and your own dad hurt you in ways unimaginable. I'll never know why Cid hurt me, but I can at least grasp that it had nothing to do with me."

"What do you mean, 'why'?"

Lightning hesitated, then said, "Because Cid wasn't like that. He wasn't an abusive asshole. He was a good guy." She watched Noel chew on his lower lip. "I don't really make a habit of dating assholes."

"I believe you." Noel sighed. "Well, in any case, he seems to care about you a lot. In spite of everything." His mouth twisted slightly. "I didn't really want let him…you know. But better him than me, I guess."

Lightning averted her gaze. "I guess," she murmured.

_Cid._

**…**

"Ok, Light, we need to talk about this. We've put it off long enough."

It had been four days since Lightning had returned from her excursion to Euride's town proper. She had been foolish to think she'd escape Serah's inquisition; she'd been lulled into a false sense of security since her sister had mostly left her alone since she'd arrived back. "Nothing to talk about," she said wearily.

Serah pointed at the kitchen table. "Sit."

She sat, zipping up her hooded sweatshirt as she did. Snow was at the stove, humming absently as he prepared dinner. She knew he was listening, though, no matter how unobtrusive he tried to make himself.

"I'm really upset that you didn't at least tell us where you were going," Serah said, taking a seat across from her.

Lightning shrugged one shoulder. "You found out pretty quickly. Why were you calling Noel, anyway?"

"Because I needed him to pick something up for me in town. As soon as he said you were meeting a 'friend' I knew exactly who it was," Serah said with disgust. "Why would you even want to meet with him? I thought you were trying to cut him out of your life."

"Like I said, he's being deployed soon," she murmured. "I saw no harm in it."

Serah threw her hands up. "Are you kidding?"

Lightning looked up. "Look, you can't treat me like a kid who got caught sneaking out."

"The point is," Snow interjected as he began to lay plates on the table, "is that you could've gotten hurt. That's what we were worried about."

"You stay out of this," Lightning snapped. "First off, we were in a public place. Second, he's not that kind of - "

"He beat you within an inch of your life," Snow said incredulously.

"Sweetheart, don't - "

Lightning shoved back her chair. "Conversation over," she said.

"Light, no," Serah protested. "We won't talk about it anymore. Please, have dinner with us."

"No," she said, pulling her boots on. "You destroyed any chance of us having a nice family dinner the moment you started interrogating me." She left through the front door, letting it slam behind her as she traipsed through the muddy yard.

She lifted her head. The barn on the hill was ablaze with light, a beacon in the damp autumn evening. Shoving her hands in her jean pockets, she trudged towards it, her curiosity piqued.

It was a good ten minutes before she finally reached the barn. Pushing her hair out of her face, she saw Noel pacing the aisle in front of one of the box stalls, phone to his ear. She hadn't seen him since they'd returned, and realized that some small part of her had missed his presence after a few days.

"So there's no way you can get out here tonight?" he was saying. He paused, then continued, "I know. I understand. I just…" He exhaled. "I'll give it a shot, doc. Thank you."

"Noel?"

He turned and looked at her. "Oh, Lightning," he said. "What are you doing out here?"

"What's the matter?" she asked.

He pushed his hands through his hair. "This mare's finally gone into labor, but I think the foal is stuck. I can't be sure, though. She's been straining for nearly an hour; she's exhausted. And of course the vet can't get out here, with the roads still the way they are."

Lightning looked over the stall door. The mare was lying in the straw, sides heaving. Her stomach was enormous. As she looked on, the horse groaned and shuddered. "What should we do?"

Noel looked at her. "You want to help?"

"Of course. Tell me what to do."

"Okay. Do you think you can hold her head while I palpate? I need to figure out where the foal's at." When Lightning nodded, he said, "Okay." He rolled up his shirt sleeves and knelt by the stall, pulling on long gloves and rubbing what appeared to be lubricant onto the material. "Ready?"

They entered the stall. The mare jerked her head up as they walked in, then let it drop back onto the straw with another groan. "Up," Noel said sharply, waving his hands at her. Startled, the horse got to her feet. Lightning caught her by the halter and grasped it firmly.

"Hold tight," he said. "If you can't, let me know."

Lightning stroked the mare's sweat-lathered neck as he palpated the foal inside her. The horse's eyes were wide and pain-stricken, her nostrils flaring.

"It's backwards," Noel said. "I'm going to have to pull its legs out." When the mare's knees began to buckle, he swore. "Hold her, Lightning! I have to do this, fast."

Lightning clucked to the mare, jerking on her halter. She straightened up, snorting and stomping, as Noel began the process of rearranging the foal's limbs. "I know," she murmured to the horse. "It hurts. I know."

It seemed like an eternity before Noel stepped back. The mare began to lie down again. "Let her," he said, pulling the gloves off. "I think we're good now. I _hope _we're good now."

They both stepped back as contractions gripped the mare once more. She pushed, and this time, the foal slid out with ease. Noel sighed, sitting back in the straw as the baby shook its head, breaking the sac and giving a little snort.

"Thank god," Noel said breathlessly. "If that wasn't one of the scariest moments of my adult life…"

Lightning sat beside him. "You handled it like a pro," she told him.

"Hah." He leaned his head back against the stall door. "I did it once before for one of my grandmother's horses, but there was a vet present with the situation in control. Not nearly as nerve wracking then." He glanced at her. "I couldn't have done it without you, though. Sorry for yelling at you."

Lightning shrugged, looking at the dam and foal. "Now what?"

"We leave them," Noel answered. "They should be fine from here on. Won't stop me from spending the entire night out here, but…what are _you_ doing out here, anyway?"

Lightning fiddled with the zipper on her sweatshirt. "My sister and her delightful husband started in on me about Cid."

Noel looked at her. "Can you blame them?"

She drew her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them. "No," she said reluctantly. "But neither of them really try to understand."

"Well, in their minds, there isn't much to understand," Noel said. "I kind of feel the same way. But only you know the full story, I suppose."

She groaned, hiding her face in her legs. "I just want to forget about it," she whispered.

The straw rustled as Noel put an arm around her shoulders. "I know," he said quietly.

"But it's impossible," Lightning said. "I'll bear the reminders for the rest of my life. Even when Cid finally fades from my life, I will always be reminded - when my hand jerks around when I try to do something as simple as writing my own name, when I look in the mirror - "

"Lightning, stop," Noel said.

"When I wake up feeling like I was hit by a train and I've p - "

"_Stop_."

The emotion in his voice caused Lightning to look up. He stared at her with a pain-stricken gaze. "You're not broken, Lightning," he said. "It will get better."

"Is that a joke? This is it, Noel. This is my life. This is it for me." She spread her hands out in her lap, watching the fine tremor in her fingers that never quite went away, even after taking medication. "There's not much else that can get better."

"You're alive," Noel said.

"Gee, thank god for that," Lightning said bitterly. "So I can live a stunted life under my family's reluctant wing." She glared up at him. "This isn't even me. I'm not even the same person I was inside anymore." She shook her head and clenched her fists. "Everything I was has been taken from me. Body and soul." She bowed her head. "I told Serah that she can't treat me like a child, but in effect, I am one."

Noel wrapped his other arm around her, pulling her to his chest. "Don't," she mumbled. "I don't want your pity."

"I don't pity you," Noel said. "I admire you. Very much."

"There's nothing to admire."

"There's plenty to admire. Stop it."

"You stop it."

Noel laughed softly. "I didn't know you before, but from what I've heard about you, I think you are exactly the same person you were. Maybe a little rough around the edges, but still the same." He pulled back and looked at her. "Something awful happened to you, we can agree on that much. And yes, it's changed the way you have to live your life, not necessarily in a good way. But you're still you. Independent, strong, intelligent…stubborn as hell."

"The independent thing, not so much."

"I dunno. It seems you do your own thing, regardless." He tilted his head. "You just find different ways to go about it."

"I need a partner in crime, it seems," Lightning said wryly.

"I don't mind if I'm recruited." Noel smiled. "Lightning, I like and respect you. A lot. If you need my help to do something, I'll do it." He paused. "As long as it doesn't get me fired, anyway," he added.

"You can't claim ignorance anymore," Lightning murmured. "I don't want to get you in trouble, anyway."

"Well, you really ought to talk to your sister," Noel said. "Just sit down with her and come to an agreement of sorts. Try not to let it end in you meandering all the way out here."

"Easier said than done," Lightning said. "Serah's just as stubborn as me when she wants to be."

"But you love each other. That counts for something." He stood up, offering his hand to Lightning. "It's getting late. I'll give you a ride back."


	6. Chapter 6

**Six**

"Lightning, you have a letter," Serah called down the hall.

Lightning hauled herself out of bed, where she'd spent most of her morning. She had a stubborn cold that had persisted for better part of the last two weeks, and it had been taking its toll. It seemed that since her injury, she was a lot more prone to lingering sickness. Padding down the hall, she entered the living room, where her sister sat with a pile of mail on the coffee table.

"Hey," Serah said. "Still feeling rough?"

Lightning sat down beside her, tucking her legs beneath her. "Yeah. It's been getting better, but still." She flexed her fingers. "Just achy, I guess."

Serah handed her an envelope. "There's no return address."

Lightning examined it, then flipped it over, tearing open the seal. She unfolded the paper inside. She recognized the handwriting almost immediately. The letter was dated for yesterday.

_Lightning,_

_My deployment has been pushed back until May. It seems my attendance is required at the Sanctum Spring Formal. (You may remember when we attended together two years ago.) As a result, I am in need of a date, and was wondering if you'd accompany me. _

_I'm sure your initial reaction would be "no". Understandable. However, there is something that we need to discuss, and only in person. It is knowledge you may or may not want to have. I haven't decided yet whether I can or will expose you to it. The cost may be too great._

_I am not using this to bait you, though it may seem so. Whether you come or not will not influence me one way or another. I will, however, discuss the nature of it with you should you come, because as I already said, it can only be discussed in person._

_The ball is not until late March so you have time to think on it, though I need a solid answer before the year is up. Call me when you've decided._

_Cid_

_P.S. My offer from the other day still stands._

Lightning exhaled sharply, stuffing the letter back into the torn envelope with numb fingers.

"Who was it from?" Serah asked absently, frowning at the bill in her hands.

"The hospital," Lightning muttered. "Wishing me well, since it's been a month since I was discharged and all."

"That was nice of them." Serah shook her head. "I could've sworn I told Snow to pay this weeks ago." She stood up.

"I'm going for a walk," Lightning said.

"Okay," Serah said. "Dress warm. It's pretty cold out. You don't need to get any sicker."

Lightning went back to her room to pull on a pair of jeans. Her heart was pounding. Though he hadn't explicitly stated it, she knew it had to be about that night.

And if he wouldn't discuss it other than in person, then it had to be Sanctum.

Some part of her had always suspected it was Sanctum. The way they had launched no investigation of the matter, despite the fact it had involved two ranking officers of the Guardian Corps - a brigadier general and an ex-sergeant.

What was it worth to her?

She crammed the letter in her pocket and walked out into the kitchen, where Serah was washing dishes, her phone cradled between her ear and shoulder. "I'm on hold," she grumbled as Lightning entered. "Snow is adamant that he paid this bill. I actually believe him, for once."

She smiled slightly. "Is Noel around?"

"I'm sure. It's his day off, but he usually hangs out anyway. Probably sleeping in."

"You don't think he'll care if I bug him?"

Serah raised an eyebrow and grinned. "Oh, I very much doubt that."

Lightning narrowed her eyes at her sister. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing." Serah turned back to the sink.

Lightning stepped outside, hugging herself against the cold blast of air. Autumn was finally segueing into winter. The sky was a crisp blue, wispy clouds dotting the horizon, and the trees were mostly stripped of their leaves. The horses were blanketed in their paddocks, even the two young foals as they gamboled alongside their dams.

As she walked, she wondered whether involving Noel was her best idea. But she absolutely could not tell her sister.

Reaching the end of the drive, she stepped up to the front door of the guest house and knocked. After a few minutes with no answer, she turned away, gazing around the property. His battered truck was parked near the side of the house, so he had to be around.

The door opened behind her and she spun around. Noel stood in the doorway, yawning, his hair disheveled, wearing nothing but a loose pair of sweats slung low on his hips. Behind him, his dog wagged her black plumed tail, ears pricked.

"Hey, stranger," he said, pushing his hands through his hair. "It's been awhile." He gave her a lopsided smile.

Lightning eyed him, her sister's words echoing unbidden in the back of her head. She cleared her throat. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure." He went back inside, and Lightning followed. She noticed a pair of stylized wings tattooed on his back, with an inscription inked beneath them that she couldn't quite make out. It seemed to be in a different language.

"Let me get dressed real quick," Noel said. "Sorry, I was sleeping."

"I thought you said you don't sleep much."

He shrugged, disappearing into the hallway. "I don't, at night," he called. "I find it easier during the day. You can sit, if you want."

Lightning took a seat in the living room, which was cleaner than she would've thought. In fact, the entire house was nearly immaculate. For some reason, she had pictured Noel to be messier. She supposed that he must not spend much time here. Moo Moo sat at her feet, nudging her fingers with her nose. "So do you only sleep on your days off?"

Noel returned in a loose sweater and jeans. "Essentially." He sat down on the couch opposite of Lightning. The dog padded over to him, and he rubbed her ears.

"Wouldn't it benefit you to get a night job that allowed you to sleep during the day?""

"None of them interest me," Noel said cheerfully. "I like this job. Anyway, what have you been up to? I haven't seen you in awhile."

"Sick," Lightning said, sniffing pointedly.

"Yikes." He held up his hands in a warding gesture. "Keep it to yourself, huh? I can't afford to be sick."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm doubt I'm contagious anymore. That's usually only the first few days."

"I'm kidding." He titled his head and raised his eyebrows. In spite of herself, Lightning felt a smile tugging at her lips. "What?" he said.

Again, she wondered if she should involve him at all.

She supposed she could pull it off herself. She could get a cab to the city if she had to, or at least to a place where Cid could pick her up. She hadn't even decided whether she was actually going or not.

She needed to decide if she was going to firmly put it behind her or not. She wanted to, but she kept finding it difficult to do so. Keeping contact with Cid had been a mistake. Seeing him had been an even bigger one.

"You seem preoccupied," Noel said, breaking into her thoughts.

"A little," Lightning admitted. "But nothing important." She sat up. "If I'd known that you were that short of sleep, I wouldn't have come and bothered you."

"Did you want to hang out or something?"

Noel's eager tone and face made her smile. "Or something. But maybe I should leave you to it."

"Oh, no." He stood up. "You woke me up, I got dressed, now we_ have_ to do something."

Lightning looked up at him. "I don't really have any ideas."

"Hmm." Noel tugged at his lower lip. "It's too cold to really do anything outside with you being sick and all. We could go in town and find something to do."

Lightning arched an eyebrow. "The last time we went up there ended pretty badly."

He smiled. "I have a feeling we'll have better luck this go around."

She got to her feet. "Hope you're right."

_**...**_

"Any idea of what you want to do?" Noel asked as they reached the town limits.

"Not particularly."

"Dinner, a movie…"

Lightning's mouth quirked at the corners. "This is starting to sound like a date."

"Nah." Noel paused, then added, "Unless you want it to me." He gave her a winsome smile, and she laughed quietly.

She coughed, then said, "Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Not at all," Noel said easily.

"Hm." Lightning folded her arms across her chest, propping a knee on the dashboard. "Have you ever even had a girlfriend?"

"Of course," he said, feigning indignity. "Plenty."

"Really."

"Well, you know. High school romance is a fleeting thing." He glanced at her. "My game is that bad, huh?"

"Nonexistent."

Noel put a hand on his chest. "You really know how to hit where it hurts."

They decided on dinner, though their meals were mostly neglected as they talked - about the weather, the oncoming winter, the farm. Lightning realized with a start that Cid and her had never really _talked; _at least, not easy, relaxed conversations like this. It had never seemed necessary. In essence, Cid had been an extension of herself. They'd been similar enough that they could anticipate each other's needs.

They had their differences, though. Cid's levelheadedness had countered her own temperamental nature. They had clashed at times, but Cid's ability to remain calm had always curbed her in the end.

They had been good together. Perfect, even.

And Noel…

He was nothing that Lightning had ever looked for in friends - not that she had ever had many. He was cheerful, talkative and guileless, in spite of all the things he had been through. Somehow, he had managed to put his hell behind him.

_What is it worth to me?_

Their situations weren't the same. The brain damage and ensuing disabilities would always be present, but the bitterness and anger could be put in the past.

"Noel," she said quietly after they had gotten back into the truck to head home. The day was rapidly fading, and the interior was dark enough that she could barely make out his face.

"What's up?"

"How do you…" She knotted her fingers together. "Let it go?"

He knew immediately what she was talking about. "You work for it," he answered.

Lightning looked up at him.

"Bit by bit," he said, reaching over and gently untangling her fingers. "You talk about it. Cry. Meditate. Channel your anger into something positive. There's no method to it, Lightning. You just work towards it, like any goal."

She turned her face away and stared straight ahead. He released her hands and started the truck.

…

_The bathroom door shuddered as someone pounded on it from the outside. Lightning froze in the shower, her heart beginning to race. Cid was supposed to be on base for the night for training - but if it wasn't him, then who? An intruder?_

_"Who is it?" she called out. There was no point in pretending she wasn't there; whoever it was already knew from the sound of the shower running. There was no answer, but the pounding stopped._

_She shut off the shower and stepped out, grabbing a towel and tucking it around her. The door slammed open, the force of it sending the ornate knob through the wall behind it with an audible crunch, and Lightning had no time to react. Cid charged through the door, his black hair clinging in sweaty strands to his face. His hands were around her neck, fingers digging in. She was able to draw a ragged breath, and grasping at his wrists, she kicked him solidly in the stomach. He stumbled backwards and she fled from the bathroom._

_Cid grabbed her hair from behind and yanked her backwards. She tried to slip out of his grasp, but his strength was inhuman. He locked an arm around her neck, and she stomped on his foot with her heel. He didn't even flinch._

_"What the hell are you doing?" she shouted, digging her nails into his forearm. "Cid!" He ignored her, instead shoving her against the wall. His fist connected with her jaw, once, twice, three times. WIth each punch, her head rocked back, smacking against the wall, and soon she tasted blood. She blocked the fourth blow and went to hit him in the groin. He kneed her in the stomach before she could land the hit and she doubled over. Another kick and she hit the floor, her vision going black._

_When Lightning awoke next, she was lying on the cold tile of the kitchen, her damp towel - miraculously and mercifully - still wrapped around her. She looked around, but Cid was nowhere to be seen. She sat up cautiously, cradling her face. What the fuck was that all about?_

_He had never put his hands on her like that. Ever. _

_She spied Cid's cell phone on the edge of the counter above her. She reached up and tipped it into her hand with her fingertips. She went through his contacts, selected one, and dialed._

_"Hey, Cid," Rygdea said when he picked up._

_Lightning spat out the blood in her mouth before saying, "Not Cid."_

_"Lightning? Hey." Rygdea was another ex-Corps soldier from their platoon. _

_"Were you with Cid tonight?"_

_"No. I thought he worked?"_

_"He came home and beat the shit out of me."_

_"What?" Rygdea sounded shocked. "Just came home and beat you up?"_

_"I don't know. He broke down the bathroom door, yanked me out, and started throwing punches." She palpated her swollen jaw gingerly. "He was like a fucking animal. Nothing I did or said stopped him. He's not himself, though, at all."_

_"Holy shit. Are you okay?"_

_"I don't know. Nothing's broken, I don't think."_

_"I'm leaving the bar now, Lightning. I'll be like ten minutes, okay? Where is Cid now?"_

_A hand reached down and snatched the phone from her fingers. Cid pelted it across the kitchen and it hit a cabinet, pieces of broken plastic sprinkling across the floor. Lightning got to her feet and ran back towards the hallway. _

_She needed her pistol. She wasn't planning on shooting him, she just wanted to wave it in his face. Staring down a barrel tended to be a very sobering experience, but worst case, she would try to knock him out._

_Cid tackled her in the foyer, and her head hit the marble with a resounding crack. While she was still dazed, he flipped her over, pinioning her with his knees. _

_Lightning had never been beaten in a fight. Not in boot camp, not during drills, not on tour - by man or woman. She was more than adept at hand to hand combat, surpassing the majority of her peers. But she had always fought people with limits, and the man above her had none. His grey eyes had been swallowed by his pupils, and they were utterly empty. There was no one home in that head. He really did look like a wild, deranged animal._

_"Cid," she whispered._

_He punched her in the face, over and over. Endlessly. She felt the bones in her face crumble and splinter beneath his fists. His service ring caught her in the eye, but her vision was already gone. _

_For the first time in her life, she thought she was going to die._

_And then his hands were at her throat, choking her, and if there was a god, why oh why was she still conscious? Would she really feel every last moment until she finally died?_

_"Get the fuck off of her!" Rygdea's voice, unmistakable, with his good old boy accent. Suddenly Lightning could breath again, but the act seemed pointless. She heard the two of them scuffling; unfamiliar voices shouting "ECPD!"; gloved hands assessing her body with an impersonal touch._

_Before unconsciousness finally took her, she heard gunshots. _

Lightning's eyes flew open, her breath catching in her throat. She almost expected her surroundings to be that of her hospital room, but instead the sight of her dark bedroom greeted her. A fat calico cat - one of the many barn cats that called the farm home - had found its way into the house and was curled up at the end of her bed, fast asleep.

She sat up, holding her head in her hands. Yet another dream - or nightmare, rather. It seemed almost a sign that whatever the business with the accident was, it wasn't finished with her.

She did not have the luxury of moving on. Or maybe, getting to the bottom of it was the only way.

The display on her phone read 2 AM.

She called Noel.


	7. Chapter 7

**Seven**

Noel sounded wide awake when he answered the phone. _He really doesn't sleep_, Lightning mused. _Like he said. _

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately.

The worry in his tone amused her, in spite of herself. "Can't a person call their friend at two in the morning just to talk?"

"Sure," he said, sounding a bit more relaxed, "but it's a bit atypical."

Her smile faded. "Can you come get me?" she asked quietly. "We need to talk."

"Absolutely. I'll be there in ten."

Lightning zipped up a hooded sweatshirt over her camisole and ran a brush through her ever-disheveled locks. Minutes later, she spied the headlights of Noel's truck pulling up in the drive through the window and she went out into the hallway, pulling her hood up. Before she could unlock the front door, she heard Serah's bedroom door open.

"Where are you going?" her sister asked, her voice thick with sleep.

Lightning turned her head. "Uh. Hanging out with Noel."

If Serah thought anything of Lightning going to Noel's house in the middle of the night, it didn't show on her face. "Okay," she said with a yawn, ducking back into her room.

Lightning was greeted by a subzero blast of air - or at least it felt that way. She trotted to the truck and slid into the passenger seat, mentally berating herself for not trading the shorts for pants. Being inside so much for the past few weeks, she kept forgetting that it was winter in earnest now. The truck was comfortable, however, the leather seats warming the back of her thighs. She exhaled, slumping back into the seat.

"Alright?" Noel gave her a bemused look.

"Yeah," Lightning muttered, jamming her hands into her sweatshirt pocket, where she'd stuffed Cid's letter.

"Interesting choice of attire for our midnight rendezvous," Noel said, nonchalant.

"Yeah, well, I just woke up." She propped her knees on the dash as Noel turned the truck around, heading back for his house. "My wits aren't one hundred percent about me yet."

"Are you okay?" He glanced at her.

"Sort of. We'll talk at your house, okay?"

Once they had pulled up, they both hurried to the front door. It was a relief to step inside the cozy living room. Moo Moo was curled up on a large pillow in the corner. She wagged her tail upon their arrival, but otherwise didn't seem inclined to move from her bed.

"So what's up?" Noel asked as they installed themselves on the couch.

Lightning fiddled with the zipper on her sweatshirt. "I had a dream," she said. "A bad one. About…that night."

Noel watched her. "Do you want to talk about it?" he said when she didn't say anything else.

"Shit. I don't know. I really…" She dropped her hands. "I got a letter today from Cid. Here." She withdrew the paper from her pocket and smoothed the creases, then handed it to Noel.

After he'd scanned it, he said, "He is baiting you, you know. He says he's not, but he really is." He tapped the letter. "You think this information is connected to your accident."

"I know he's baiting me. And it has to be. There's nothing else he could bait me with."

"He could be lying."

"He's not, Noel. He wouldn't." After a moment Lightning said, "I was going to just let it go. Forget it, move on. But…I can't. I want to know. I need to know." She swallowed. "It's the one thing that bothers me the most - why."

Noel folded the paper and handed it back to her. "Okay," he said. "What do you need me to do?"

Lightning searched his face. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

She smiled at him, then ducked her head. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." He tilted his head. "You know…"

"What?" She lifted her gaze.

He shrugged one shoulder. "Nothing. Never mind. So what do you need me to do?"

"I don't know yet," Lightning said. "I have to talk to Cid. What I'm going to tell him is that I won't go without some sort of chaperone - you. Unless you really don't want to."

"Oh boy." Noel smirked. "I guess I'll have to dust off the tux."

"Do you have one?"

"Of course I do," Noel said, feigning indignation. "What about you? Don't you need a fancy ball gown or something?"

"I have one," Lightning said. "The one from the last time I went. Not sure it'll fit anymore, though."

"Why not?"

She cleared her throat. "Because I used to be in better shape. Now I'm just skinny."

He frowned slightly. "Well, bring it over here at some point and I'll see if I can make some adjustments for you."

Lightning cocked her head. "You're a tailor, too?"

"Yeah, well." He flashed her a grin. "Jack of all trades, master of none, I suppose. My grandmother saw fit to teach me everything she knew, I guess, regardless of whether it would be put to use or not."

"Well, it'll be a lot cheaper than buying a new dress, so at least that skill found some practical applications, at least."

"You think Cid will go for you bringing someone else along?"

"He'll have to," Lightning assured him. "I won't go without."

"You don't trust him."

"It's not just that." She shifted, leaning her head back against the armrest and sprawling her legs out along the length of the couch, stopping short where Noel was seated. "Sanctum is his turf. It's the boy's club, and I'm not in. I don't know how much his buddies or peers know of the accident, but they're probably on his side nonetheless. Military takes care of their own."

"You were their own."

"_Were_ being the operative term. I don't know how many friends I still have left. There's a chance I have some, but slim. The fact that I will be on Cid's arm will just make people think all as been forgiven. That it was never that big of a deal in the first place." Her face hardened.

"Lightning," Noel said. "This is going to hurt you."

"Yes," Lightning answered. "It will. It will destroy every last shred of pride I have to sit there and pretend that I am stupid enough to go back to Cid like some kind of battered wife." She clenched her fists, then shoved them into her sweatshirt pockets.

"I wish you wouldn't go," Noel murmured.

"I have to."

"What if he doesn't tell you what you want to know?"

"He will," Lightning said. "I know that he will." She sighed. "Noel, you don't have to be apart of this. I was originally going to tell you about this earlier, but I didn't want to involve you. Just say the word and we can forget this conversation."

"Absolutely not," Noel interrupted, vehement. "I said I was in. I mean that. I can't just turn a blind eye to it now that I know, either. If you get hurt, if something goes wrong, I would _never _forgive myself."

"Since when did you decide that my life is in your hands?" she muttered.

"Since the day I met you," Noel replied.

She looked up at him, aware that her cheeks were beginning to burn. "I'm not a damsel in distress."

"Never said you were. But you needed a friend, no?"

"Hm." She gave him a faint smile.

He returned it. "Precisely. And as your friend, I have your back."

"Fair enough." She hesitated. "Noel, thank you. For everything."

"My pleasure." He sat back. "You know, you're taking up the whole couch."

Lightning nudged him with her foot. "Too bad."

Noel checked his watch. "Shouldn't I be taking you back now? It's nearly four. Won't your sister be up soon?"

"She already knows I'm here. She woke up before I left."

Noel laughed. "And what does she think of that?"

Lightning shrugged. "No idea. She didn't say anything. Didn't seem to care too much."

"Well that's good, I guess." He got up and stretched, cracking his back. "Well, I have to be up and about soon."

Her face fell. "Oh, right. I suppose I should get out of your hair anyway."

Noel shook his head. "You're fine. Really. I enjoyed the visit. I don't get many around this time. Not really peak hours." He flashed her a smile. "If you're tired you can just sleep here, if you want."

At the mention of sleep, Lightning found herself yawning. Once upon a time she could've survived on a mere three hours of sleep a night, but those days were long gone. And the thought of going out in the cold again was vastly unappealing. "Maybe."

"My bed is pretty comfortable." He raised his brows. "I just changed the sheets, too."

"Well, you've convinced me," she said, getting to her feet. "Difficult as it was. Lead the way."

He showed her to his room, which was spacious and immaculate. It didn't even look like anyone had ever lived in it, though she supposed it was for good reason. "All yours," he said.

She went to the edge of the bed, running her fingers over the quilt, which was worn but clean, and obviously well loved. "I kinda worry about you," she said.

"Why?" He gave her a confused look.

Lightning pulled back the covers and sat down. "I didn't really think you meant it when you said you never slept. Can't you die from lack of sleep?"

"Oh." He smiled. "Not die. Get very sick, but not die." He shrugged one shoulder. "I promise, you have nothing to worry about."

"I suppose," Lightning said. "You look hale enough."

Noel smirked a little. "I am." He walked over to her. "Shall I tuck you in?"

Picking up one of the pillows, Lightning bopped him once he was close. "It's quite alright."

Noel grabbed the pillow, trying to pull it out of her hands, but she held on. He made a mock grunt, pretending to struggle to hold on to the case. "You're stronger than you look, Farron."

She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Give it back," she said, giving the pillow a sharp tug. Caught off guard, Noel stumbled towards her. He relinquished his hold and grabbed the bed on either side of her to keep from falling on top of her.

With a laugh, he said, "Well, I wasn't wrong."

She stared up at him. His sudden nearness had made her breath catch in her throat, and she was hyperaware of the proximity of his face to hers. Judging by his face, it didn't seem she was the only one. Noel lifted a hand, and after a moment's hesitation, trailed his fingers down the side of her face. She stiffened under his touch, her eyes fixed on his. His fingertips slid along her jaw, his thumb brushing her cheek, tilting her face up to his.

He whispered, "Go to bed."

Lightning pulled away from him, giving him a light smack with the pillow once more. "Weirdo."

He laughed again. "I was messing with you."

"I know that," she grumbled, lying down and pulling the covers over her head. "Go to work."

"Alright, alright. I'll probably be back by lunch, if you're up. I can make you something to eat."

"Fine."

Lightning listened to his footsteps recede, and eventually, the front door shutting. She fought to stay awake at first, to try and make sense of what had just transpired. Was Noel just being weird - was she projecting her own feelings onto him?

That was a startling thought.

_This is just great_, she thought as sleep finally claimed her. _Exactly what I need._ At least he'd been right about his bed being so comfortable.

**...**

It was eleven in the morning by the time Lightning woke up. She was startled by the unfamiliar surroundings at first, but as the events of the last several hours came back to her, she felt her cheeks redden.

"Stop," she murmured to herself. "Just stop."

She curled up on her other side, pulling the blanket around her, and tried to go back to sleep. Noel probably wouldn't be back for another hour, and she didn't know what to do alone in his house in the meantime. It was useless, however; she simply wasn't tired anymore. Her eyelids would not stay shut.

She sat up and looked around the room. It looked like a bedroom at a rental house; there were accents and pictures hanging on the wall, but no personal touches. When she thought about it, the entire house was like that, though Noel had been occupying it for a decent amount of time. She wondered if he was planning on leaving sooner rather than later. The thought unexpectedly made her heart sink.

Throwing back the covers, Lightning stood up, flexing her stiff fingers. She knew she was due to take her meds soon, and the cold wasn't helping, but it wasn't a pressing problem at the moment. She walked towards the desk by the wall, on which a laptop sat closed. Snooping wasn't something she was inclined to do, but she was curious - perhaps even desperate for a sign that he wasn't inclined to leave at a moment's notice.

She tried the top desk drawer. It was empty, and the second one was just as bare.

She opened the last one halfway without much hope. It appeared empty as well, and she began to shut it. As she did, she heard something move inside of it, sliding along the bottom. She opened it again. It appeared to be a small leather wallet. With a fingertip, she flipped it open.

Inside, one side of the wallet contained something similar to a police badge, though it wasn't. The insignia on it was unfamiliar to her, but she could make out one word on it - _Academia. _The other side of the flap contained an ID - Noel's face, uncharacteristically unsmiling, and his signature under the same insignia as the badge.

Lightning heard the front door open, and she quickly shut the drawer. She went back over to the bed and began to make it as she heard Noel walk down the hallway. She was fluffing the pillows as he knocked on the door and peered in.

"Good morning," he said with a sweet smile. "Hungry?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Eight**

"Lift your arms up," Noel said through a mouthful of pins.

"The dress is going to fall," Lightning grumbled from where she stood on a small stool in Noel's living room, arms crossed under her breasts.

"I won't let it," he reassured her. "But you need to get your arms out of the way."

With a sigh, she clasped her hands above her head, fingers interlacing. She could feel the ball gown's strapless corset slip as she did so, but Noel held it in place. The voluminous skirt rustled slightly as he moved closer to her and began to pin the fabric.

Lightning stared out the window as he did so, studiously ignoring his fingertips brushing against her. A light snow was falling; it had already accumulated enough to blanket the fields in white. Christmas was a mere week away. For the past month she'd been wondering if she should get him a gift, and once she'd decided she was going to, she wondered what she would even get him.

She had let the Academia thing go. Noel had told her so much about his sordid past - voluntarily, even - that she didn't want to pry. Maybe it would prove to be lack of foresight on her part, but she hoped not.

The amount of importance she placed on his friendship terrified her, though perhaps not as much as it should've.

The dress tightened against her bust until it stayed in place itself. Noel stepped back and flashed her a smile. "You are a vision, madam," he said.

Lightning dropped her arms and looked down at herself. "So I'm going to this formal full of pins?"

Noel snorted. "Of course not. I'm going to take it in. I just needed to know how much." He gestured behind her. "Look in the mirror."

She turned and gazed at her reflection, putting one hand on her hip and examining herself. The full skirt was inlaid with a tasteful smattering of pearlescent beads, making the royal blue dress look like a dark, starry night. She remembered, with only a little bitterness, that she had once filled out every inch of the dress, her arms lean, toned and worth showing off.

"You're beautiful," Noel murmured from behind her.

Lightning caught his gaze in the mirror. He smiled, and it was a soft curve of lips, his face affectionate. She turned towards him and said, "Are we done here?"

"Yep," he answered. "You can put on real clothes now. Just be careful with those pins."

"Yeah, yeah," she muttered, going into the bathroom. She slid out of the dress with care and pulled on her jeans and sweatshirt. She smoothed her hair and went back out into the living room, the gown folded over her arm. Noel took it from her and laid it across one of his armchairs.

"What's up?" he asked. "I could tell from your face you weren't exactly pleased."

Lightning toyed with an errant lock of her hair. "It's just weird," she said. "Seeing myself now in the same dress I wore before, but I look completely different."

"You're worried about the way you look?" Noel's expression was concerned.

"It's not that. Not really. It was just more…" Her eyes found the full length mirror he'd propped up against the wall. "Symbolic of what I was capable of." She looked back up at him. "Just hard to swallow, I guess."

Noel placed his hands on her shoulders. "Stop. It's not end of the line for you, okay?" He tilted his head and smiled. "Look how far you've come. Your sister said you might not ever walk again, but here you are."

Lightning raised her eyebrows at him. "When did you talk to her about that?"

"Oh, when I spoke to her a couple days ago. She was telling me about her and Snow's plans for Christmas."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "What else did she say?"

He grinned. "Lots of stuff."

Lightning pushed at his chest. "Tell me."

"Hmm…" Noel released her and took a seat on the couch. Lightning sat beside him, turning to face him.

"Well?"

"She said they were leaving on the twenty-third for their cruise."

"I already know that."

"And that I should keep an eye on you." He cocked is head at her, loose strands of his hair falling across his face. Lightning strongly resisted the urge to push them out of his eyes.

"And?"

He smiled slightly. "And that she thinks I'm good for you."

"Hm." Lightning wrapped her arms around her knees, drawing them to her chest.

"Any input on that?"

"Um." She shrugged one shoulder, then smiled. "I may or may not agree."

"Well, I'd like to think I'm good for you." Noel leaned back, crossing his arms behind his head. Lightning watched him, chin resting on her knees. He cast her a sidelong glance and said, "You want to head back to your house?"

"Not necessarily. I'm, ah, not terribly booked up today."

"Oh, really? So maybe you might find time to have dinner with me tonight?"

Lightning fought to keep a straight face. "I'll have to pencil you in."

"Pencil?" Noel gave an exaggerated sigh, and she laughed.

"Pen, then."

"Hey," he said suddenly, "kind of a change in the subject, but what do you want for Christmas?"

Lightning blinked. "I don't know. You don't have to really get me anything." She shrugged one shoulder.

"There's a lot of things I don't have to do," Noel said. "But I _want_ to get you something."

"I really don't know," Lightning murmured. "I need to go shopping, though. I haven't done any of mine."

"Neither have I," Noel admitted. "Hey, I have tomorrow off. Why don't we go into Eden and get it over with?"

"I guess we'd better," Lightning said. "Hate driving that far, but…"

"Nowhere to shop here."

"Right."

"So you want to?" Noel asked. "We could make a day of it, then get dinner somewhere."

"Yeah." Lightning gave him a half-smile. "Might even be fun."

"Sure," he agreed. "If being jostled by last-minute shoppers is your idea of fun."

"It's not, but I think we'll work it out."

"If you say so." Noel rested his arm along the back of the couch behind her. After a moment, Lightning moved closer to him, not quite touching the line of his body. He stared straight ahead out the picture window at the silent world of swirling snow outside, his arm slipping off the couch back and going around her shoulders. Lightning allowed herself to be pulled closer, her head on his shoulder.

After a moment, Noel began, "Lightning, I…"

The sound of her phone ringing interrupted him, and he jerked away like a kid caught doing something bad, then got off the couch and strode into the kitchen. She watched him, brows furrowed, then pulled her phone out of her pocket and answered.

"Just making sure you're still bringing along your…chaperone, before I reserve these tickets," Cid said.

"Yes," Lightning said.

"Not sure why I bothered to ask. You rarely change your mind."

"You're right. I'm not. Don't bother talking me out of it."

"I wasn't going to," Cid said quietly. "It's probably for the best."

Lightning waited for him to say more, but the line remained silent. She finally replied, "I don't know what you want me to say."

"It doesn't warrant a response. I'll talk to you later." He hung up.

"What did he want?" Noel called from the kitchen.

Lightning tapped her phone against her bottom lip. "To hear my voice, I think," she murmured.

"What? I didn't hear you." Noel poked his head around the doorframe.

"Nothing important," she answered, getting up to join him.

…

"Y'know, I like Christmas and all, but I could do without this mad rush," Noel muttered as he and Lightning maneuvered through the crowded mall. He kept a hand at the small of her back as they walked, his arm protectively going around her waist every time they had to squeeze through a particularly huge throng of people. There was a time where Lightning would've been annoyed by it, but at this point in time, she was grateful.

"You feel okay?" Noel asked her.

"Fine," she murmured. Like him, she was paranoid about the onset of a seizure. But she felt normal - or as normal as she did anymore.

"Tell me if that changes," he said with a smile.

"Trust me, you'll be the first to know."

They had split up earlier to shop. Lightning had managed to find gifts for Serah and Snow, she was at a total loss for Noel. Everything she'd looked at so far hadn't seemed quite_ him_. She supposed she could give up and ask, but she didn't want to. She was also endlessly curious as to what he got for her. Noel had told her when they'd met up at the food court that he was done. Perhaps she would just order him something online...

"Hey." Noel gave her a gentle squeeze. "Photo booth."

"Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Absolutely." He grinned, steering them towards the unassuming booth. It seemed stranded in the sea of people, completely ignored by the frenzied shoppers.

Noel held back the curtain and Lightning ducked inside, sitting down on the bench. After inserting some change into the machine, he squeezed in next to her.

"We get four pictures," he told her.

"Okay," she said.

A buzzer sounded, and they both smiled in the direction of the camera. After it snapped the first photo, Noel said, "Now a silly one."

"No," Lightning said with a laugh.

"Yes! C'mon. Make a face or something."

She stuck her tongue out at him just as the next photo snapped.

"There's your silly picture," she said.

Noel raised his eyebrows, lips quirking at the corners.

"What?" Lightning asked.

His expression changed to something more neutral. "Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "Nothing. That wasn't what I had in mind, though. I guess we should just keep them normal and hope one turns out decent." He flashed her a smile, putting an arm around her shoulders as the buzzer sounded for a third time. She furrowed her brows at him, then turned her head in time for the picture to snap.

"There. Nice, normal, boring pictures just for Lightning," Noel said, giving her shoulder a light squeeze. She looked up at him, a biting retort on her lips, but it died there as soon as she saw the look on his face.

"Noel," Lightning tried to say before he lowered his head and kissed her.

She froze, her body pressed against his side where he held her, his arm still around her shoulders. She placed a hand on his chest, intending to push him away, but instead found her fingers curling in his shirt, pulling him closer, angling her head to deepen the kiss. She was only vaguely aware of the buzzer sounding for a fourth and final time, signaling the last photo was about to be taken. Noel's lips parted under hers and she felt a tentative brush of tongue against her lower lip.

Noel shied away from her so suddenly that he nearly fell out of the booth. He stood, pulling his jacket around him, his chest rising and falling like he'd just run a marathon. He stared down at her, his blue eyes wide, before turning away.

"Shit," he said. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Noel," she began.

"I shouldn't have done that." He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head in an agitated manner. "Shit!"

She rose to her feet. "Wait."

Noel left the booth then, shoving the curtain aside carelessly as he stormed out. Lightning stared at the space he'd been, her own heart thudding in her ears. She bit her lip and turned to see their four photos printing on a 8" x 11" sheet of glossy paper. Her face reddening, she grabbed the sheet without looking at it, shoved it into her bag, and followed Noel out.

He was standing some feet away, staring out at the crowd, his eyes scanning the throngs of people as if he was looking for someone. He turned towards her as she approached, and the look on his face was enough to make her stop short.

"We should go," he said.

"Fine," she replied shortly.

He walked with purpose, easing through the shoppers with an almost careless grace. Lightning found herself lagging behind. She cocked her jaw, staring after his disappearing back, then sat down on the nearest bench. Let him leave without her. It was probably better that way.

She leaned forward, rubbing her face. What had even just happened? Noel seemed furious, as if she had seduced him - and yet he had been the one to initiate. And she had liked it. _Damn it. _Why? _Why?_

After a few minutes, she saw Noel weaving his way towards her through the crowd. He stood in front of her, then offered his hand. She looked at his outstretched fingers, then up to his face, which was unreadable.

After a moment, he said, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I…everything."

"Right." Lightning ignored his hand. "So we aren't going to talk about this, are we."

He dropped his hand.

"You're an asshole."

"I know," he murmured.

"Why would you fucking do that?" She felt the spark of anger inside her and she seized the emotion, coaxing it into a flame. It was better than the other gamut of feelings running through her.

"Please," he said, "let's not talk about it here."

"Or ever, right?"

Noel's face hardened. "Are you gonna make me throw you over my shoulder and carry you out of here?"

"If you touch me…"

He stepped back, hands up in an "I surrender" gesture. As he did so, Lightning stood, brushing past him. She felt him fall into step behind her. Annoyed, she said, "Now you give a shit?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

Lightning shook her head and made her way out of the mall. Something akin to rage was curdling in her stomach, and she found her fists clenched, her nails digging into the palms of her hand and leaving little red crescent moons in her skin. She stopped on the sidewalk outside and waited for Noel to lead her to wherever his truck was parked.

The drive home was long and uncomfortable, to say the least. Lightning stared out the window, watching the city of Eden shrink slowly from view as they climbed the steep mountain road. She stole glances at Noel, whose gaze was fixed on the road ahead, occasionally gnawing at his thumbnail. His eyes never strayed to her, and he didn't say a single word.

Well, she wouldn't either. She hasn't done anything wrong - unless liking him back enough to let him kiss her was a crime, and considering his response to the situation, it was.

He parked the truck in the drive by the farmhouse. Lightning seized her bag from the floor and shouldered open the door, hopping out and striding towards the front door. She heard the driver's side door slam, Noel's boots crunching through the snow to catch up with her. Damn it all, she wasn't going to hit the door before he reached her.

Lightning stopped as his arms encircled her shoulders from behind, his face pressed against her neck. She felt her throat tighten, and she swallowed hard, but remained silent.

Noel kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry," he said for the umpteenth time.

After a moment she said, "What are you even apologizing for? For kissing me? Or for treating me like garbage immediately after?"

"Both."

"Well gee. Thanks." She twisted out of his grip.

"Lightning, please. Let's talk."

"Now you want to talk?"

Noel pushed his hands through his hair. "I just didn't want to in the middle of that mall."

"How about the hour long car ride home? No? Well, I don't want to anymore." She stormed towards the house. When she reached the door, she turned and called, "Maybe next time you should think it through before you decide to fuck with my emotions and then punish me for them." She went inside and slammed the door shut behind her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes: **Sorry for the radio silence, everyone. It was a_ very_ busy season for me. Hope you guys had a safe holiday. Enjoy!

**Nine**

"No! Dammit! Get out from under there!"

Lightning shooed the errant calico cat away as it fled from the over-decorated Christmas tree, scattering brightly colored ornaments before it disappeared into the hall. She sighed, dragging a hand down her face as she knelt down to gather them up. She approximated where they'd come from; the branches were so heavily laden that it was impossible to tell that any were missing. Snow always went overboard when it came to decorating for any holiday.

She sat back at the coffee table to finish wrapping the presents she had gotten for Serah and her husband. There was no one else to give gifts to besides Noel, but she hadn't spoken to him in nearly a week. It was Christmas Eve, and she was going to be spending alone; Serah and Snow wouldn't be back from their cruise for another few days.

Her phone rang from where it sat on the floor beside her. She glanced down at it. Once again, it was Noel, who'd called her at least one time a day for the past week. She ignored it and went back to wrapping her sister's present.

A half hour later, there was a knock at the kitchen door. With an agitated sigh. she rose to her feet and peeked through the gauzy curtain covering the window. It was Noel, huddled against the winter wind as it blasted around the house, carrying snowflakes with it.

Lightning debated leaving him there, but in the end, she couldn't do it. She opened the door and folded her arms across her chest.

"Merry Christmas," Noel said.

"Yeah," she answered. "What do you want?"

He smiled wryly. "Can we start with me getting out of the freezing cold wind?"

She found her lips twitching in response. "I guess." She stepped back and he came inside, shaking snowflakes out of his hair. He stripped out of his coat and hung it by the door. Turning, he eyed the empty fire place.

"Want me to start a fire for you?"

Lightning sat on the couch and crossed her legs, giving him a look. After a moment he sighed, sitting down on the floor beside her and looking up at her.

"Don't be mad, okay?"

She arched a brow at him.

Noel laughed quietly. "Alright, you have every reason to be mad, but don't be." He gave her the full weight of those blue eyes, and she nudged him with her knee to break the moment.

"Why?" she asked.

"Because," he began, "for one, I'm very sorry." His fingertips brushed her thigh as he moved up to sit beside her on the couch. Before she could shift away from him, he leaned over her, his face close to hers. "And for two, I want to be with you."

Their gazes locked. After a moment, he said, "I thought for awhile your eyes were two different colors. I guess not."

"No," she answered shortly. "Noel, if you want to be with me, then why did you react the way that you did?"

"Because," he said, exhaling. "I was scared, okay? That I was, like…pushing myself onto you, or something."

"You weren't. Obviously."

Noel shook his head.

"It's not good enough, Noel," she said, moving away from him. "It's not. I don't need another asshole in my life."

"Really. You're going to lump me in with - "

"Can you blame me?" she snapped.

Noel fell silent, his face pained. "Lightning," he said. "I'm sorry. I really am. I was scared of hurting you, and I did it anyway. It's the last thing on earth I want to do. Please."

"Please what, Noel?"

"Give me another shot," he said. "I won't mess this one up."

Lightning felt her throat constrict. How badly she wanted to trust him.

"What's Academia?" she asked finally.

He tilted his head. "Academia?" he said. "That's the college I went to on Pulse. Why?"

Lightning studied his face. "Really?"

"Really. Why do you ask?"

She shrugged one shoulder. "They give out badges at a college?"

He smiled. "Were you going through my stuff or something?"

"Yes," Lightning replied, unapologetic. "Awhile ago."

Noel shook his head, still smiling. "Yes," he said. "They did. It was a police academy."

"Oh."

"Yes. And," he said, tugging on her hand, "if you try to look it up on the internet, that's all you will find. I promise."

She searched his gaze. "Truly?"

"Truly."

Noel took her hand, turning the palm upwards. His thumb traced a gentle pattern against her skin. "You can say no," he told her. "We don't have to be anything more than we are now. I just want you in my life."

"What are we now?" she asked.

"Friends." Noel released her and sat back, one arm along the back of the couch. "At least."

"We had a good thing going," Lightning said.

"We did," he agreed.

Lightning realized that she was afraid. More than anything she wanted to be able to trust Noel implicitly, but she couldn't. Before the day at the mall, there were possibilities; his adverse reaction to their kiss had changed something. Somehow, in spite of his troubled past and the scars that criss-crossed his forearms, she had managed to view him as some kind of unflawed being, who liked her no matter what.

Until he had recoiled from her kiss.

She pushed herself off the couch and stood. At Noel's inquiring glance she told him, "I'll be back in a second," before striding down the hallway to her bedroom. As she glanced around the room trying to spot her bag, she realized it still didn't look lived in. She wondered if it ever would.

Catching sight of the back by her closet, she knelt and rummaged through it until she found photo paper from the mall, crumpled from having been crammed hastily among her things. Smoothing the creases, her eyes lit on the last of the four pictures, where the camera had caught them mid-kiss.

For not the first time that day, Lightning's throat felt tight with tears she had not allowed to come. Why should she cry? Being alone and remaining alone was not a notion she was unused to. It was how she envisioned the rest of her life to be. It had never bothered her before.

She started as a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind, a pair of lips pressing against the side of her face. She noticed, briefly, that the old, white scars on his right arm were more jagged than the left, a sure by-product of cutting with his non-dominant hand.

"I like that," Noel murmured against her skin. "We should get it framed."

"Except for the last one," Lightning said.

"That one, too." He plucked the photo from her hands and set it off to the side on the floor. She turned in his arms to look at him, perhaps push him away, but instead, she found herself honing in on his soft lips - she knew they were soft - and how they were curved in a gentle smile.

She kissed him then, at first a tentative brush of lips which quickly deepened. She was tired of fighting him, and even more tired of fighting herself. Instead of worrying about Noel's intentions like a dog with a bone, she let it go. She would trust him now, if for no other reason than that it just felt good to surrender to him.

Lightning didn't recall being moved to the bed, but she was suddenly aware of it, as she was aware of Noel's skin beneath her fingertips as her hands moved down his bare stomach and stopping short of the waistband of his jeans, as he kissed along her neck and shoulder where the loose shirt had bared it. He paused and looked down at her. "Should I stop?" he asked.

She held his gaze for a moment, then dropped it as she undid the button on his jeans in a deft motion that she hadn't known her hands were capable of anymore. "No," she answered.

Acts of intimacy were ones that were at odds with Lightning's nature. They required of her a vulnerability that she was loathe to expose, to give up and give in to the most primal of urges and the most basic of instincts. She remembered how long it had taken for her and Cid to get to that point, constantly at odds with the fact that she could be a sexual at all.

Perhaps it was experience, but with Noel, it was easy as breathing. There were no feelings of vulnerability, no fear of rejection, even with the current state of her body. He seemed to delight in everything she showed him, murmurs of "so beautiful" punctuated by kisses. He had never known her as anything but what she was now, and he liked it. Perhaps he even loved it. There was only one moment of hesitation.

"Do you have a condom?" he asked.

"No," she answered. "It's fine. I'm on the patch."

"The…?" She pointed to the small patch adhered to her hip. "Oh. Are you sure?"

"Unless you have something, then yes."

He smiled. "What about you? What if _you _have something?"

Lightning pulled him down for a kiss. "I don't."

"Okay. You've convinced me," he said, voice husky as he slid inside of her.

It was good.

After he was finished was even better. Noel lay beside her, kissing trails down her neck as his fingers moved in lazy circles between her legs, bringing her to effortless climax.

"I think it's safe to say that it's still been the best Christmas Eve I've ever had," Noel said after he returned from the bathroom. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I suppose it was alright," she allowed.

"Only alright?" Noel raised a brow as he tugged on his boxers. "It sounded more than alright."

She laughed. "Don't be gross."

"It wasn't gross, either," he said. "It was amazing."

After a moment, she said, "Yeah. It was."

She got up and gathered her clothes before going into the bathroom to clean up. She paused at looked at herself in the mirror. If Noel liked what he saw, perhaps she could learn to like it too.

She pulled her underwear and leggings on, relishing the vague soreness between her legs - it _had_ been awhile - before pulling on her top. She felt more confident than she ever had since her accident. She tried not to think of the implications that it had taken a round of sex to restore some of that confidence.

Noel was in the living room, stacking wood in the fireplace. The cat was back, watching in with an idle curiosity as he lit both end of the starter log with a lighter.

"Do you want some coffee?" Lightning asked.

"How about I make dinner," Noel said, dusting his hands off. "And then coffee."

"Sounds good," she said with a smile.

_**…**_

After dinner, they sat on the couch beside each other, each with a mug off coffee. Lightning sipped from her cup and stared into the dying flames in the fire place. Noel was scrolling through his phone with a small frown.

"Looks like we're going to be snowed in for Christmas," he said.

"I can think of worse fates," Lightning replied.

He grinned. "So can I." Setting his mug on the coffee table and standing, he said, "Let me grab your present out of my truck really quick."

"Oh, shit," she muttered under her breath. So he'd still gotten her a gift. Of course. And she had nothing for him.

He returned with a gift box and handed it to her.

"I can't accept this. I didn't get you anything," she confessed.

"Are you kidding?" He took his seat next to her. "Tonight was perfect."

Lightning rolled her eyes. "Really?"

"Yes. Now open it," he said.

She undid the ribbon that held the slender box together and lifted the lid. Inside, lying on velvet, was a silver pendant in the shape of a lightning bolt.

"Do you like it?" he asked, his tone anxious.

She lifted the chain from the box. "I love it," she told him. Turning around, she lifted her hair. "Can you put it on?"

He fastened it around her throat and laid a kiss on the nape of her neck. "Merry Christmas."

**End Part One.**


	10. Chapter 10

_**Part Two**_

**Ten**

_"This is all coming to a head nicely. Somewhat unprecedented, but I can't really complain."_

_"Yeah." Noel tucked the phone between his shoulder and chin and scratched his bare shoulder. It was two in the morning. He stood on the front porch in nothing but a faded pair of low slung jeans, the sweat drying on his chest and neck. An early spring had come to Euride in the last two months; the thick blanket of snow had finally melted away, and the temperature had been a persistent fifty-five degrees. Although, he could've stayed out, naked as the day he was born, in below zero, as long as his pain inhibitors were on..._

_"I hope you're prepared for tomorrow night, Kreiss. Everything is readiness on this end."_

_"I'm ready. We're ready," he clarified._

_The voice on the other end gave a quiet laugh. "I'm glad for that."_

_"It'll be nice to get this show on the road." Noel rubbed one eye with the heel of his hand. "Maybe I can get some sleep at night."_

_The voice was silent for a moment, then said, "I'll leave you to it. We'll get in touch later."_

_"Sir."_

_"Goodbye."_

_Thumbing the "end call" button, he set the phone on the wooden railing and sank into one of the chairs. The cool metal seeped through the denim of his jeans, goose bumps prickling along his flesh. He started at the sound of the door opening behind him, swiveling his head._

_Lightning stood in the doorway, her state of dress less than his. She stalked towards him in black lace panties and a matching bra sheer enough to make things below his belly button clench pleasantly. Her silver navel ring glinted in the moonlight as she straddled his lap._

_"Any particular reason you're out here alone?" she asked._

_"No," he said, his hands settling on her hips._

_"And yet here you are." She rested her arms on his shoulders, one eyebrow raised. He smiled and buried his face in her neck, pressing his lips against her skin. _

_Lightning sighed. Noel lifted his gaze to her face. "What's wrong?"_

_She was staring off into the distance. "Anxious," she finally said._

_"About tomorrow night?" He pulled her closer. "Or tonight, I guess, technically speaking."_

_"Technically speaking. Yeah."_

_"It'll be okay." _

_Her mismatched eyes met his. "Noel..."_

_His arms tightened around her. "I swear. I'll protect you, whatever happens."_

_She gave him a half smile. He knew her well enough now to know what she was thinking: 'I don't want to be protected.' After a moment, she got up. "I'm going back to bed. You coming?" _

_Noel could've laid in bed and watched her all night. He did, for much of it, though she was facing away from him. His eyes traced over the curve of her hip under the sheet, and after a moment, he moved closer, letting his arm drape around her waist. He nuzzled his face into the curve of her neck, and she murmured something in her sleep. _

_This hadn't been part of the plan. In fact, it was strictly against his orders. Soon, it would all come to light, and he would pay._

_"I love you," he whispered against her neck. She made no reply._

_Sometimes Noel liked to imagine that once the ball was over with, once all had been revealed to her, she would somehow forgive him and return the affection. Maybe they'd live happily ever after, once the war was done. He knew her better than that though. Knew that there was no way that they would ever reconcile. Because he had sworn that Academia had been nothing. She wouldn't forget that he lied._

_So this last night, he would enjoy himself, and her. _

_He kissed Lightning's neck, then up along the curve of her jawline, and finally her lips. Roused from sleep, she returned the kiss ardently, turning to wrap her arms around him. _

_"Again?" she murmured._

_"Again." _

_**...**_

"There. All done."

Noel stepped away and let Lightning check herself out in the full-length mirror. She studied herself, turning this way and that. The voluminous skirt of the ball gown swirled outwards, the beading sparkling in the lights. Her hair was caught in an elegant side bun, and Noel had done her make up so naturally she wouldn't have been able to tell if she hadn't already known her lashes weren't quite so dark and thick, her lips not so rosy and glossed.

"You really are a jack of trades, huh?" she murmured.

"I had a good teacher."

She turned to face him with a smile. "You clean up nicely yourself."

Noel glanced down at his tuxedo. "I suppose I do," he agreed.

"You spoke with Serah, right? What does she think we're up to tonight?"

"The opera." He adjusted his bow tie.

She gave a delicate snort. "How did you convince her of that?"

"It was easy. She doesn't think _I'd_ get us into any mischief."

"I guess she wouldn't." She glanced at the wall clock. "We should be going. Cid is going to pick us up from a parking garage by the Eden Commons around seven and take us to the actual ball in a limo."

"A limo? What's wrong with my truck?" Noel feigned indignation.

She laughed. "I wonder. Might look a bit out of place, no?"

"Maybe." Noel executed a bow and offered his hand. "Let us depart, milady."

"Stop it." She took his hand anyway.

Lightning had decided it would be better if Serah didn't know what she was up to. Not only would she try to put a stop to it, but she might've tried to interfere in a way that would've gotten her hurt. If there was one thing Lightning could do, it was ensure her sister's safety. Her own was another matter altogether. And Noel - well, he was on his own, and he had assured her that he would be fine.

It was a silent drive as Noel eased his aging truck along the gradual downward slope of the road as they descended down the mountain. The lights of Eden, pinpricks at a distance, soon loomed large and bright as they entered the city proper. By the time they pulled into the garage, Lightning's stomach was in knots. And when she caught sight of the dark limo coming around the corner, she felt like throwing up.

Noel reached over and gave her hand a quick squeeze.

They slid out of the truck as the driver opened the rear passenger door of the limo. Cid stepped out, clad in his formal whites. His eyes lit on Noel first, his mouth twisting in a brief frown, before catching sight of Lightning.

"This is a familiar sight," he murmured.

"Save it," Lightning muttered. "Let's just go."

He inclined his head slightly. "As you wish."

They squeezed into the back of the limo. It seemed smaller than any limo had the right to be; Cid's knees brushed hers as the car lurched forward. Lightning drew away as much as she could, her hands clenched in her lap.

"I was hoping you'd forego this folly," Cid said, glancing at Noel.

"Shut up," Lightning said. "Just shut up."

"Eloquent, as always." The corners of his mouth turned up in a wry smile, though it faded as quickly as it came as he studied her in the dimness of the interior.

"Leave her alone," Noel said.

He favored Noel with an amused glance. "Are you her attorney now?"

"This is really unnecessary, Cid," Lightning snapped. "There's no reason to make this more uncomfortable."

"My apologies," Cid conceded, and silence filled the car.

The traffic was heavy around the embassy, and after enduring a painful, awkward fifteen minute silence, and their ID's and tickets checked at a guard station, their limo pulled up to the doors. The chauffeur opened the rear door and Cid stepped out, all grace and poise. He turned and offered his arm to Lightning, and after a moment's hesitation, she accepted it and allowed herself to be pulled out of the limo. Noel slid across the seat and climbed out after her, in considerably less of a show. He touched her free hand and she squeezed his fingers briefly before letting her arm fall.

They walked up the carpeted walkway to the doors, flanked by four PSICOM soldiers, two to each side. The two innermost soldiers opened the doors for them, the outermost stoic, eyes forward, hands on their weapons.

_PSICOM? At the Sanctum Formal?_

The trio was ushered inside, and Lightning nearly had to squint past the bright lights. The ballroom was a crowded swirl of color; soldiers in their formal service uniforms that ran the gamut of the color spectrum depending on rank, and their spouses in their own evening wear, mostly wives. They were off in groups, mingling, though many looked up upon their entrance. Most recognized Cid. Fewer recognized Lightning, but they were there, their faces guarded.

"This is going to be a long night," she remarked.

Cid's hand tightened on her arm, but he made no reply.

"Holy shit," a familiar voice called. "She's back from the dead."

Lightning turned her head, smiling in spite of herself. "Rygdea."

The scruffy brown-haired man approached, adjusting the collar of his uniform. He was returning the smile, but something in it seemed…less than genuine? Or maybe it was her. She exhaled, trying to relax the tension in her shoulders.

"Wow," he said, stopping in front of her. His eyes strayed to Noel for a second. "Never thought we'd see you again. Not in this capacity, anyway."

"Likewise," she responded.

"How did you manage it?" he asked, his eyes trained on Cid. The taller man stared him down. Before Lightning could reply, Rygdea said, "Chalk it up to your charm, I suppose."

"Yes," Cid agreed.

"They let ex-Corps come to the ball?" Lightning asked.

"I re-enlisted, actually."

"Rygdea!" A woman from the group he had detached himself beckoned with a glove-clad hand.

"The wife," he said awkwardly, giving his head a little jerk. "Be seeing you all." He cast a concerned look over his shoulder at Lightning.

Lightning frowned at his retreating back, then turned to Cid. "How long are you going to make me keep up this charade?" she growled. "I came here for one reason, you know."

"You did," he said without looking at her.

"Did you tell people you were bringing me?"

"Yes."

"Then what - "

The lights suddenly shut off, to the audible surprise of the crowd. Noel grabbed Lightning's hand as Cid pulled her behind him. The crackling of loudspeakers silenced them all, before a feminine voice echoed throughout the ballroom. "At last, our special guest has arrived."

Cid turned to Lightning, his eyes wide. "No," he said. "No, this wasn't -"

A single light flared to light above the three of them like a spotlight. Lightning had to shade her eyes with a hand. The rest of the attendants were trying to flatten themselves against the wall. Noel lifted his head, squinting into the dark. "Up there."

As Lightning followed his gaze, heart pounding, an overhead light flickered to life up on the balustrade, illuminating a tall blonde woman who was flanked by PSICOM soldiers. More lights began to light up the balconies around the room, which were filled with more of PSICOM's elite, their guns trained on her.

"Nabaat!" Cid shouted. "What is the meaning of this?"

Lieutenant Colonel Jihl Nabaat laughed, slapping her palm with a silver baton. The sound came across harshly through the microphone attached to the collar of her uniform. Lightning remembered her from her Corps days, but had never formally known the woman. "You know exactly what the meaning of this is, Raines," she called down to him. "Your impending treason was anything but subtle." She tutted. "You were so promising, too. We had high hopes for you in the program." Her voice hardened. "Stand aside. We can still use you. But she must die."

"I won't," Cid said. "I let her be hurt once, I won't - "

The first bullet took him in the shoulder, half-spinning him around. Noel yanked Lightning away from him as the second and third bullets tore through him.

"_Cid!_" Lightning screamed, trying to tear herself out of Noel's grip, but he was strong, too strong, his iron grasp so tight that she could feel herself bruising. "No! Let go! It's me they want, I…" Her vision was flickering, hazing. _No, no, no! Not now!_

Cid reached a hand for her and she wormed one arm away from Noel, grasping for his fingers. "Light," he whispered, blood bubbling to his lips and dripping onto the marble floor. "Sweetheart, I am so sorry."

Tears ran down her face unbidden, unheeded. She held his gloved hand. "Why?" she whispered. "_Why?_"

"It was an experiment," he rasped. "I was part of. I didn't know what it would do. I didn't…" he collapsed on the marble, the blood pooling beneath him, a stark contrast to his white formalwear. "I'm sorry," he said again, before his head hit the floor.

Time slowed down. Her legs giving out from underneath her, her knees hitting the cold floor, one of her shoes sliding off her foot; her gown's skirt rustling as it folded, sparkling in the light. Noel shoving her to the ground, covering her with his body as more bullets whistled through the air. Lifting her head, seeing one grazing Noel's face. Screaming…

"What is this?" Jihl's voice, shocked, and Lightning craned her head to see.

And suddenly there was more gunfire. Yellow-suited PSICOM soldiers were falling left and right, some even sliding over the balcony railings and hitting the floor with a grotesque slap, the crowd screaming and fleeing. Jihl's guards were covering her, pulling her backwards and out the doors behind them. Lightning could hear the muffled gunfire of more fighting outside of the embassy.

Someone else stepped onto the previously vacated balustrade, the lights shimmering his his nearly platinum hair. "Noel!" he shouted. "Get her out of here."

Noel moved off of her, and she lifted her face to his. The skin under his eye was hanging, missing, but there was no blood or bone beneath the wound - instead, there was scuffed silver plating.

She opened her mouth to speak, but instead her back bowed, the air crushed from her lungs, and her vision went black.


	11. Chapter 11

**Eleven**

Lightning first became aware of the soreness in each of her limbs, starting from her fingertips, the dull pain slowly washing over her. Then the stiff mattress which she lay upon, and the cotton sheets that seemed almost abrasive on her skin. Finally, her eyes slid open to behold a slow turning ceiling fan hanging from a metal ceiling. Her eyes followed the rotation of the fan blades as the memories of the night of the ball came flooding to her. The PSICOM soldiers. Cid dying before her. Noel…

_Serah_. Was she safe? Her stomach churned in anxiety.

She sat up gingerly, pushing back the covers. She felt oddly light, as if she was on a plane. The room was empty save for the bed she was in and an uncomfortable looking chair in the corner. A small oval window on the side wall was shuttered.

Looking down at herself, she saw that she was dressed in a simple white tank top and shorts - she knew that had not been her doing. Pushing aside the uncomfortable thoughts that accompanied that acknowledgement, she pulled the collar away from her skin to examine the logo on the left breast.

It was the same insignia that had been on the badge in Noel's room.

"Son of a bitch," she said with feeling.

He had lied. He'd lied as easy as breathing, and she had been stupid enough to trust him without question, something that had never come easy to her. She clenched her fists until her nails made red half-moons in her palms, then raked her fingers through her tousled hair in agitation. _It didn't even stop there. I had sex with him too. _The thought was humiliating.

She moved to get off the bed, noticing right before her feet touched the floor that the mattress had been rigged with a bed alarm. It started its insistent beep as she stood up. She leaned down to yank the plug out of the wall when the door opened behind her, revealing Noel and the silver-haired man from the other night - their savior apparent. The alarm wound down and finally died.

Lightning stared at them from across the bed. Noel moved to cross the room towards her. She noticed the skin on his face was smooth and perfect, as if the wound had never been. "Don't," she said. "Stay away from me."

"Lightning, let me explain."

"_No_," she hissed.

The other man cleared his throat. "Let's start from the top," he began. "Miss Farron, my name is Hope Estheim. I…"

"It was for your protection," Noel interrupted. "I had to. My orders-"

"Was fucking me part of your orders?"

The room was silent then. Hope Estheim slowly turned his head towards Noel, who was giving Lightning the full force of his wide blue eyes. "Kreiss," he said shortly. "Office. Now."

"But…"

"You have outlived your usefulness here, clearly. _Go_. And stay there until I come for you."

Noel opened his mouth to protest, then thought better of it. He turned and left the room, slamming it behind him. Hope sighed, running a gloved hand down his face. "For the record," he said after a moment, "having sex with you was _not_ part of his orders." When Lightning looked up at him, he continued, "I'm sorry. I know this has been…traumatic…for you. Not to mention the seizure. How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Lightning said. "How long have I been out?"

"Eleven hours."

"Is my sister safe?"

"Serah? Yes," Hope affirmed. "Her and her husband are both safe. I have squads on the perimeter of their property. I don't foresee any problems. It isn't in Sanctum's interest to terrorize your remaining family - not at the risk of losing more PSICOM soldiers. We did considerate damage to their numbers all the ball."

"Do they know where I am?"

"They know you are in our custody for your protection. And before you ask, I can't allow you to contact them. For your safety and theirs."

Lightning gnawed on her lower lip._ At least they are safe. _But at what cost? "What is Academia?"

"Academia is, well. I supposed you would call us rebels." Hope smiled wryly. "In simplest terms, anyway. Based on Pulse. You see, there have been bad things in the works in Sanctum for quite some time, on the PSICOM side of things. The Guardian Corps were purposely kept in the dark, except for a very small percentage - Cid Raines being among those few. Sanctum has become a corrupt group on the verge of committing genocide."

"How do you know this?" Lightning asked. "Does it have to do with…experiments? Like Cid was saying?"

"Yes," Hope said. "Cid Raines was part of such an experiment. It was called Project Werewolf. They were trying to turn soldiers into monsters. Still are, though their techniques have become more refined, their subjects more controlled, but unfortunately Raines was part of the earlier batches. The night he came home and nearly killed you was due to such. He should've remained on base all night until they were able to get the 'monster' out of his system, but he managed to escape."

"That's why they want me dead, isn't it," Lightning said, comprehension dawning. "Because if I ever found out…"

"Yes. It would be bad for business, as it were."

"Did the soldiers opt to be tested on?"

"No," Hope said. "For the few that were picked, it was expected of them to fulfill their duty."

Lightning's heart ached. "He didn't mean to try and kill me."

"No," Hope agreed quietly. "He did not. It was an accident."

She shook her head. "You said something about genocide, didn't you? Why would Sanctum commit genocide?"

"To purge the populace of Cocoon," he said.

"But why? And how do you know this?"

"It's already begun, Lightning." Hope stood, pacing the room. "Fringe towns have already been quietly annihilated with these new monster super soldiers. They are without morals or limits. As long as their handlers are present, though, they can be brought back under control."

"That doesn't tell me _why _they are doing it."

Hope sighed, stopping at the foot of the bed. "There is no good answer to that, except it is as the Primarch wishes. We haven't been able to pinpoint the reasoning, we only know that it's occurring. And we aim to stop it."

"By making your own soldiers robots?" Lightning asked pointedly.

Hope smiled slightly. "Not precisely," he said. "Noel is one of our few special cases, thought not the only one. He came to Academia when he was fifteen after his father battered him - nearly killed him. He had experienced severe traumatic injuries to his brain. He would have never been able to live a normal life, if we had not rehabilitated him. But no, he's not a robot. More like a cyborg. Still human, but with cybernetic parts. We were able to reverse his brain damage with implants, and enhance his body overall."

So Noel had not lied about his father beating him. _Just fudged the part where he became half robot. _"Oh." In spite of everything, she did feel some sympathy for him. "Wait, when he was fifteen? That was over ten years ago. How long has Academia been in the works?"

"My father founded it when I was seventeen myself," Hope said. "I'm twenty-nine now," he added. "So, awhile."

"And this is…?" Lightning gestured around the room. "The headquarters, or something?"

"No." Hope went to the window and drew up the shade. Lightning went to stand next to him and peered out. There was nothing to see but blue sky, and below, the distant ocean. "Airship."

That explained the queer lightheaded feeling she had. "And we're going to Pulse."

"We are." He stepped back and turned to her. "I have other matters to attend. You have the run of this aircraft. It's going to be a few more hours until we land."

Before Hope could leave the room, Lightning said, "Why did you save me?"

He looked at her over his shoulder. "Because we need you." Before she could press him further, he left, shutting the door behind him.

She turned back to the window, her cheek pressed against the cool glass._ For what? Am I supposed to be a mascot? In this body, there's nothing else I can contribute. _She lifted her head. _Unless..._

…

Noel's fingers tapped the armrests of his chair impatiently. He gnawed the inside of his cheek, looking to the office door every so often. He wanted so badly to go to Lightning, to explain everything - as if hearing it from him would make it better.

He knew this would happen, he _knew_. If anything, he knew Lightning, more than just intimately. And he had destroyed that fragile trust she had put in him. He wondered if there was any way of fixing it. _There has to be_, he told himself. Was it possible for her to just throw away her feelings for him because of this?

"Probably," he muttered. Lost in his thoughts, he started as the door snapped open, nearly toppling his chair over. He folded his arms defensively as the other man sat across from him at his desk.

"It wasn't on purpose," Noel hastened to say.

"What were you thinking?" Hope said, smoothing his hair down in agitation. "You could've jeopardized this entire mission. We nearly did botch it."

"Lightning is here," Noel protested.

"Raines was supposed to be here too," Hope reminded him.

Noel cocked his jaw. "He's still alive, though."

"Alive, but barely, and in enemy hands across the ocean. Hardly does us much good."

"We could retrieve him -"

"A costly retrieval."

"I could lead it."

"You have decimated my trust in you," Hope snapped. _Great, you too?_ "I'm not sending you off on a mission anytime soon." Noel glowered at him. "Stop that. It's not my fault you messed up. This was months being planned, Noel."

"Me falling in love with her had nothing to d-" Noel stopped himself.

Hope leaned back in his chair, running his hands down his face. "Am I being tested or punished?"

"It wasn't on purpose," Noel said again.

Hope rested his chin on one hand, regarding Noel. After moment, he averted his gaze with a laugh that was more sad than happy.

"Where did we go wrong?" he murmured.

Noel shifted in his seat, averting his gaze. "Hope."

He sighed. "I know. It was awhile ago. It's why I sent you off on this last mission, wasn't it?" He smiled wryly. "I just…it hurts, still."

Noel looked up at Hope. The silver-haired man had composed his face to a careful blank. "Don't," he finally said. "Just…don't."

Hope rubbed his temples. "You're free to go. But you're under review, so I advise you watch yourself."

"Sir." Noel inclined his head stiffly, turning to open the office door. To his surprise, Lightning was standing right outside, her arms folded over her chest. She met his gaze with an accusatory stare.

"Cid's alive?" she said.

"Ah…" Noel looked back at Hope.

Hope lifted his head, looking between them. "You were listening," he said finally, his voice a mix of amusement and exasperation.

Lightning shouldered past Noel into the office and leaned on the back of the chair across from his desk. "Why didn't you tell me he was still alive?" she demanded. Noel paused, then shut the door again and came back over as well.

"It didn't seem…pertinent. And that information may be outdated already. I don't know his current condition."

"We have to rescue him," Lightning insisted. "We can't just leave him at the mercy of Sanctum."

Noel felt a pang at her words that he tried to stifle. "I told you," he said to Hope.

"It was part of the plan anyway, wasn't it?" Lightning asked.

"Did you hear_ everything_?"

"Send me," Noel said, slapping his chest with his hand. "I know I screwed up the last operation, but I'll make it right this time." _And win back the trust of both of you._

"No," Hope and Lightning said simultaneously.

Noel shot a glare at Hope, then looked at Lightning. "Wait, what do you mean, no? Who else is going to do it?"

"Me," Lightning said.

"No," Noel said, realizing what she meant. "Oh, no." He looked at Hope. "Did you tell her-"

"I told her about _you_," Hope interrupted.

"I want to do it." Lightning jerked her head in Noel's direction. "Make me like him. Fix me. And I'll save Cid myself."

"You don't know what you're asking," Noel broke in. When Lightning didn't respond, he grabbed her shoulders and spun her towards him. "Dammit, Lightning. Listen to me! I've been through this shit, okay? I know. You have no idea how difficult it is. Assuming you even _survive_ the procedure, there's months, maybe years of rehabilitation. It's not as simple as sticking some metal in you and boom, good as new."

She scowled up at him. "Let me go."

He released her, hands dropping to his sides. "Please, Lightning," he said. "Don't do this."

Hope was watching Lightning with renewed interest. Noel could see the wheels turning as he contemplated the prospect. "Hope…" he said helplessly.

"I'm not saying yes or no yet," Hope answered. "Lightning, what Noel said is true. It isn't a simple operation. It's a very painful procedure, and we've had a fair number of failures. The recovery process is a long and therapy intensive one."

"I've done therapy before," Lightning said. "I'll do it again. And besides, Noel did it."

"It's not the same," Noel insisted.

"Not only is there the recovery and rehabilitation process, which takes months or even years unto itself, depending on the individual, there is also the training you must undergo as an Academia operative," Hope continued. "By the time you would be ready to ship out, Cid may be dead."

"I don't care," Lightning said. "Look, I don't know what you 'need' me for, other than for something like this. I am a soldier, or was. And I was a very good soldier. I'm not much use for anything other than to fight. If you want to parade me around as some sort of mascot, I won't cooperate. If the only way I can fight is to be turned into a cyborg or whatever, I want to do it."

"Lightning…" Noel started.

She turned on him, mismatched eyes flashing. In that moment he was struck by how beautiful she really was. He had never seen her with so much fight in her, so much resolve. "I have tried living my life as this shell, Noel. Look how it turned out for me. I refuse to live a life as a trophy on a shelf for an organization I didn't know about until two hours ago. Save your breath."

Hope stood. "Lightning," he said. "I will provide you with all the tools necessary to make an informed decision. If it's still your desire to proceed with it, then I won't object." He gave her a faint smile.

"Let's do it," Lightning replied. "We don't have any time to waste."


End file.
